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S72 PT #3: A Hitchhikers Guide to General Management

The human race was absolutely buzzing after their win against the Proud Warrior Race, not only did they show the galaxy the humans are a force to be reckoned but they also caught the attention of a highly advanced and intelligent group of hockey playing mice. The game plan was simple, the humans were going to distract the mice with huge pieces of cheese and score all their goals while the mice were not paying attention. Although the mice were incredibly smart they would not be able to resist their primal instincts and would definitely chase after a delicious snack. The humans would also come up with a backup plan in case the cheese idea did not work. They would play overly physical throughout the game. Although they would not be able to check the mice very often because of how much smaller and faster the mice are, any time the humans did make contact would be devastating for the fragile mice. The humans would wear the mice down and win the game.

Player Prompt – Written Task - 159 Words
Ah yes, Lord Farquaads and Stardust have formed an alliance! They cannot wait to collaborate and bring down the evil mastermind that totally runs the Winnipeg Aurora by himself – Ace. They plan on telling Ace that they are enjoying his podcast that he started, and wanted to provide listener topics! Ace leaps to follow and hear what they thought about his latest episode, and he finds an empty room with just a gigantic stuffed teddy bear. He walks up to the teddy bear, and a media staffer informs him that the teddy bear is a gift to a local charity. The media staffer then requests that Ace take his photo with the bear so the young Aurora fan that wins it knows that Ace was hanging around the bear. However, unbeknownst to Ace, it is Lord Farquaads that is hidden within the bear! When Ace came close, Lord Farquaads jumps out and scares Ace, and much laughs are had.

Aurora Knights Aurora Knights Aurora Knights Aurora Knights Aurora Knights
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RIP Dangel. See you on the other side, brother

Really? A team of mice? Let’s again assume that my alien team is of human size. There oils be no contest. Even with fast and extremely smart mice, we should easily be able to beat them out of the size advantage. A mouse probably weighs about the same as the puck so that would inherently slow them down considerably. Then we simply have to get our stick on the puck/mouse to take control. Now would it be considered slashing if we hit the mouse with the stick? If so that would make things tougher as i am sure they’d get a lot of power play opportunities. But even with a 5 on 3 the mice can’t possibly hit the puck very hard so the goalie should be able to react quite well with timing. I’d also be quite concerned about running into them with a skate as that would be absolutely terrifying if you are that small. I do not think they have a chance at all.

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Sig credit: Ragnar, Carpy48, High Stick King


As if those loudmouth mice could ever quit patting themselves on the back long enough to actually engage in a game of hockey. Always going on and on about awards they've won for various fjords and other manufactured "natural" wonders. Always trying to run experiments on whatever humans happen to be nearby. It's frankly amazing they ever get anything done.

However, in an infinitely improbable universe, all things are possible (however unlikely they may seem). Flower pots can spontaneously transform into whales, which can then go through a process of self discovery and realization directly before smashing into a planetary mass at high velocity. Who knows. shit happens.

Anyway, I'd imagine if the aforementioned hockey game ever actually did come to pass, a suitable strategy could be implemented. I'm thinking a squad of ravenous cats would be highly effective for example. A few glue boards and snap traps scattered around the ice , maybe baited with some peanut butter, would also be a big help.

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Patya not very much surprised by victory against Proud Warrior Race. Patya teach team everything he know for secure victory. Team execute plan perfectly and play together as one team, and we am win! Now you am telling Patya that team am having to play against much smart mice? This keep getting weirder, but Patya am okay with it I guess. Patya finding it much unbelievable that smart mice am make Earth in the way they did. This go against all conventional thought and is much crazy. Oh well, Patya just accept it. World is much crazy now so what is big deal if it getting even crazier? Patya this time thinking game plan maybe for try and slow mice down. Hits am needing to be carefully calculated because if team am miss it, mice am getting big opportunity from speed. They have much high hockey IQ, so team must just try for play game and not get too dazzled by mice.

Lore: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5
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I would go for an oldie, but a proven goodie. Every year around this time, next year's schedule is announced. Now, these are expansive and large documents, with detailed notes, but they are very easy to fake, as Hoang has seen over the past few seasons. A schedule loaded with tough opponents, long (6-7 games) road trips, a front-loaded schedule, short turnaround for injuries, and back-to-backs galore will make even the most conservative, polite coaches blow their tops. It's a prank Hoang bore witness to once before, when his teammates in Great Falls had their head coach ready to break something in the locker room. Now, it's the coach for Minnesota who is the chosen victim. He's not a man with a terrible temper, but Hoang doubts that will last too long once he bears witness to just how awful the Monarchs will have it next year.

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GrizzliesGrizzliesGrizzliesMonarchsMonarchsMonarchsMonarchsMonarchsMonarchsMonarchsMonarchs

UsaUsaMonarchsMonarchsMonarchs

After your stunning victory against your Proud Warrior Race opponents, you find yourself and your team of plucky aliens challenged by mice of unusual IQ. After a long-winded explanation of how they built the Earth as a supercomputer to yield the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything, they want to experience this game that has emerged on their experimental planet. This time, your team has the size and strength advantage, but your opponents are very quick and have absurd hockey IQ. What's your gameplan to win this time?

The plan is to play some old school hockey! In fact, every player simply has to cover another player/mice and hold them so that they can't get any chance! Once the other team is tired enough, we can generate some offense! If we had the hockey IQ advantage or even the speed, we would not have to play with such a dirty intent, yet it is our only chance to win in this scenario. Although, I could ask my good friend Ray (empol) to set up Trick Room, a pokemon move that makes the slower creatures move faster! That way, our team would simply out-skate the opponents with ease, effectively guaranteeing a win! Other than that, I don't see many other solutions, except the one stated earlier, which was to play as dirty as possible. Sure, it may not be clean gameplay, but if you aint beating (up the other team), you aint trying! And if it's against mice, then you have every excuse in the world to cheat OR be dirty.


173 words

Once again, after thinking his duties to extraterrestial being were finally over, Ricky Koivu has once again been called to aid his outer space friends in winning a space hockey game. Last win was very straightforward, but Ricky was perplexed this time to find out that their opponents would be a race of hyper intelligent mice. He was not perplexed because of who the opponents were, but by the fact that this is the easiest hockey game of all time. No matter how smart these little mice are, fortunately they did not plan for the same strategy as last game. This is of course where alien disguised Chris Kreider will be sent out to take out whoever is in net for them, and honestly with how small their goalie would be he could probably pot a hatty before doing so too. Koivu found these new challengers much easier than the last opponents his alien friends were faced with, and he hoped that with how universe conquering his team is, there will be NO FURTHER CHALLENGERS to his alien super team. (182 words)

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Code:
Written Task: After your stunning victory against your Proud Warrior Race opponents, you find yourself and your team of plucky aliens challenged by mice of unusual IQ. After a long-winded explanation of how they built the Earth as a supercomputer to yield the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything, they want to experience this game that has emerged on their experimental planet. This time, your team has the size and strength advantage, but your opponents are very quick and have absurd hockey IQ. What's your gameplan to win this time?

The easiest thing to do would be to have your team skate low to the ground, squatting, and have their sticks low and parallel with the ice. This does two things: one, it could break their ankles if they get too close, taking them out of the game, and two, it's not slashing if you don't initiate it (or I don't think so, I could be wrong). Another option would be to go Broad Street style on them and just annihilate them any chance you get. Small and fast does not fare well when a human (or alien in this case) freight train comes straight at them and catches them off guard. With that, rushing the net is probably the best option since, well, they are tiny and won't be blocking the net much, if at all. I don't think they will have issues playing against them in any situation you could think of.

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Creative

This would be an even easier win than the previous matchup. Now that my team has the size and strength advantage the Super smart mice stand no chance. Based on my game theory from the previous matchup, we still hold the key advantage of ideal size. The mice could be hockey genius, but that doesn't matter as they are physically too small to lift the puck. It is double their body weight. There is also the fact that any hockey stick that would be suitable for them to hold would be smaller than a regulation puck. They wouldn't be able to control ot at all, not to mention they don't have thumbs. Also the fact that one step we could cover 5 feet of ice and always be able to catch up, or escape them. Mice would be terrible opponents. Their goalie would probably die from the impact of making a save and the inertia would still cause the puck to go in the net.

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Berserkers Wolfpack France

Our GM is going to be a good target for a prank here because she trusts us a little too much. It’s going to be preseason and when Bergling is out of the lineup for a maintenance day, he’ll be hard at work behind the scenes. Schwarz always leaves her keys in the same place in her office so when she heads up to the box to get ready to watch the game, he heads to her office and grabs her car keys. He then gets in her car and drives it out onto the ice as the PA announcer holds a fake raffle for this slightly used Toyota Rav4. The winner will be drawn all while a secret camera waits for schwarz to realize whose car it is. Then Rasmus will reveal the prank and give the winner a brand new Rav4, with the raffle proceeds going to charity. A prank where all parties win - and very original definitely not done before in another sport.

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Berserkers     -       syndicate      -     Berserkers

so binko pranged his general manager mr @hotdog whomst is the general manager of his simulation hockey league team the atlanta infernoes and the prank was very devious i tell you!! well the first part of the prank was that binko gave hotdog a beer that was supposedly a skittles sour but he didn't tell him that it was actually a skittles milkshake sour and contained an extra large dose of lactose!!!! well mr hotdog was none the wiser and sipped that shit down respectfully and binko just watched deviously when mr hotdog went oh no i have to go to the bathroom as i will poop my pants otherwise! then binko went haha get pranged!!! the beer has lactose idiot!!!! angus @micool132 helped binko choose the beer with his extensive beer knowledge and he was just on the other side of the door listening intently and also laughing a lot!! the second part of the prang was that binko and agnes replaced hotdog's toilet water with milk so any backsplash from his poopy plops would kiss his little butt with lactose too! so devious!

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Signatures by Vulfzilla, Jepox, Jess, rum_ham, Ragnar, and myself
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CREATIVE PROMPT / STORY MODE - Shoe On The Other Appendage

Written Task: After your stunning victory against your Proud Warrior Race opponents, you find yourself and your team of plucky aliens challenged by mice of unusual IQ. After a long-winded explanation of how they built the Earth as a supercomputer to yield the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything, they want to experience this game that has emerged on their experimental planet. This time, your team has the size and strength advantage, but your opponents are very quick and have absurd hockey IQ. What's your gameplan to win this time?



Easy. Hits, hits, and more hits. We will rack up PIMs out the wazoo with some of the nastiest, foulest, hardest hitting hockey out there. Picture that hockey fighting league seen in Goon, and then go one step further. We will show them no mercy, only raw, unchecked aggression. We may give up some goals early to their speed (and because half the team is having a meet and greet in the penalty box), but soon those pesky mice will be too battered to do anything as we pile on goal after goal late in the game. And, god forbid, if all else fails we call in our ringer. That's right, the one and (not really) only cat. Maybe even two just to be safe. Sure it's not sporting, but hey. If you ain't cheating, you ain't trying. Plus the sooner we take care of this the sooner we can get back home. All this astronaut food is bland.


Creative Prompt

The super smart mice opponents might be quick and have high hockey IQ, but they're going to be extremely unstable on their skates. All the advantages we have in physicality can be used to our advantage to win. Any chance we have to throw a hit or a check should be taken without mercy. We should be able to control the puck well and keep control away from the mice with superior stick handling. No amount of speed or knowledge about the game can make up for the fact that there will be very few giveaways made by us and potentially tons of giveaways from them. Their goalie is probably also very small and quick, which aren't necessarily the best things to be as a defender of the net. Shooting hard and fast on target at any given opportunity should be more than enough to get past the tiny net minder allowing for plenty of easy goals.

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Thanks to @enigmatic, @Matteo, @sulovilen, @zeagle1, and @TheOPSquid for all the sigs!
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(This post was last modified: 08-22-2023, 02:54 AM by Crazytomato. Edited 1 time in total.)

My game plan to win this time would be to use alot of grit because they are smaller with a size advantage I would also want my players to block shots and take tough shots I wouldn't "try" to injure then but I wouldn't be against taking big hits penalties would try and be avoided my main issue would be tripping and slashing but since we have the physical advantage I would assume that includes speed to tripping might not be that much of issue. The goalies would be better on our side because physicals are the main thing a goalie needs (all goalies are the same so it doesn't matter) and defence we woumd have a insanr advantage its hard to say though because forwards would have a big disadvantage with low hockey iq with all that I think we would win and it wouldn't be that hard

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