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***Sburbine*** · 05-12-2024, 10:09 PM

Option 1:
Have you ever seen the 2006 Christopher Nolan film The Prestige? If you haven't there are some spoilers ahead. Well the league works a lot like that As soon as someone shows any sign of injury or might miss some time they get replaced with an exact replica. What happens to the first copies is a league secret but the assumption is that what happens to them is similar to the movie. The dark scientists that run the SHL like to keep their secrets, I think of the truth got out then there would be a lot of negative press. Does it scare the players who try and hide injuries so they don't get sent off somewhere no one knows? Absolutely. Does it make it so there are no injuries and no one misses time, also yes. A league with no injuries is an amazing thing but one that comes with a dark side. The players just have to hope that they aren't the ones who end up in the water tank so to speak.

trella · 05-12-2024, 10:13 PM

The fact that the SHL never has any injuries is very suspicious. I mean, hockey is one of the most brutal and physical sports in the world, how is it possible that nobody ever misses a game. Nevermind injuries, does nobody in this league ever get sick. Nobody ever missed a game because of COVID? Seems fishy in my opinion. This is leading me to believe that the players in the SHL aren’t real in the first place. In fact, the whole league might be a total figment of our imagination! I have a theory, but it may be a little bit out there, so I hope i am not ostracized from the league for saying this. My theory is that the SHL is not a real league with real players, but they are simulated players created by each user in a league we have collectively created together. I know, crazy, but I think it might be true.

Thanks to @karey and @JSS for the sigs!

Former USA Fed Head, Carolina Kraken Co-GM, Tampa Bay Barracuda GM

***blix900*** · 05-12-2024, 10:16 PM

Option 2:

As the playoffs start, the pressure mounts for Luke Laraque, the dynamic power forward for the San Francisco Pride. With expectations soaring for both him and his team, the time has come to elevate his game to unprecedented heights.

For Laraque, the challenge isn't just about maintaining his stellar performance from the regular season; it's about ratcheting up his level of play to a gear even higher than he's been playing at anyways. It's about fine-tuning his instincts, sharpening his focus, and summoning every ounce of passion that fuels his love for the game.

And for a player like Laraque, already at the top of his game during the regular season, the challenge lies in maintaining that level of excellence throughout the long and grueling playoffs. It requires dedication to his craft, relentless discipline in his training regimen, and a belief in his and his team's ability to rise to the level of play needed to succeed in the playoffs. If the Pride are to go on to win the challenge cup they'll need not only Laraque, but an entire team effort to reach the top of food chain.

Jumbobone19 · 05-12-2024, 10:36 PM

Written Option 1:

No injuries really?! Well now that you mention it, I cannot think of anyone getting hurt on the ice. Maybe it's a strange phenomenon that has been happening... But no it's really all about to things. Training and Medicine. The training nowadays is all about getting players into peak shape, mentally and physically, with respect to injury prevention. Every drill and exercise is focused on strengthening your body so that it protects from any injury. And Medicine today is just unreal. Drugs will help any situation obviously. They give stuff so you don't feel the pain but the technology that they have can fix you up so fast that you barely miss a shift if something happens. And honestly one big thing is just that hockey players are a different breed. They refuse to get hurt to the point that they miss playing time. So most everyone just plays through it like a true hockey player would.

-157 worda

adamantium · 05-12-2024, 10:36 PM

Code:
Option 1: 168 words

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"I think it's the diet mostly. Something about the food we're cooked by team culinary staff. I think I remember someone telling me some years ago that the league actually hires the staff that handles all of the cooking for the teams, so if I had to guess, there's something the league has mandated that keeps us all operating at top physical condition.

And shit, who am I to complain? I mean, I haven't felt this physically great in years and I honestly still feel like I'm 20 playing pro hockey for the first time again every time I step onto the ice. Sure, you kinda miss having the iron man streaks and getting to see guys just go years without missing a game, but I guess it's probably a better product when the stars are always healthy.

Tell you what though, playing every game is definitely exhausting. Sometimes even one healthy scratch would make me feel better. So yeah, I don't know. Maybe it's lots of iron?"

sigs by me bitch

Kalakar · 05-12-2024, 10:40 PM

Option 1

I think it is indeed very strange that not a single player has came up with an injury in our 76 seasons of existence to the point that I think we would need to hire an external firm to conduct an investigation into this matter. They could also hire Rick Westhead, he seems to be pretty good at investigative journalism and has broken multiple high profile news stories already. I don't know if there is something different in the ice made for the SHL's ice rinks or are all arenas built on ancient native american graveyards or something but there is definitely something going on. Hockey is a violent sport and the probability that a player hasn't even had a paper cut let alone an injury is suspicious. Imagine if the world could study a SHL player, it would revolutionalize the medical industry as we know it. Humans would probably get to live to 120 years or even more.

***Ragnar*** · 05-12-2024, 11:08 PM

It is actually really easy to explain why SHL players don’t ever get injured.

You see, the year was 2011. The league was stood up and most current SHL members were either not born yet or still shitting in diapers. The creators of the league wanted a league without injuries, concussions, and most importantly without lawsuits from concussed players.

They concocted the drug that is now known as Uninjurol, which is of course a mixture of testosterone, trenbolone, adderall, aspirin and pcp. So basically every SHL player is a roided out super human zombie with insane focus. Unable to be killed with conventional weapons, the only way to make sure this new breed of super human could eventually be slowed down was to make them hit regression in four seasons.

Bids were put in my the U.S. Army and U.S. Marine Corpse to try to purchase this drug for their troops fighting overseas, but the SHL creators declined.

Sigs by Me, Merica, High Stick King, Rum_Ham, Jess, vulfzilla, enigmatic, and Carpy

❤!! RIP to the big homies 701 and Mac !!❤

crutch · 05-12-2024, 11:11 PM

I think that Carter Crutchfield can up his game in the playoffs by just playing his game. Although Anchorage may have missed the playoffs this season, Crutchfield's game is playoff built. Physical, blocking shots while still being solid on both sides of the ice is so valuable for any team to have in the playoffs. Crutchfield has a lot of experience in the SMJHL, playing all of 3 seasons in the Alaska capital city. However, Crutchfield needs to get to the playoffs to be a better player in the playoffs. Crutchfield could level up his game by being even more physical and harder to play against, as not giving the other team's star player any chances to shine and to nullify them defensively would be the best course of action. All in due time as Crutchfield continues to develop as a player. Will he eventually get to this level? Only time will tell.

155.

*mystick* · 05-12-2024, 11:12 PM

Written Option 1
I have played all over the place and done many studies about this. Simply put the emphasis that the league puts on conditioning is unbelievable. You wonder why the salary cap is so low, while the league seems to be making a fortune? That is because the league spends triple each teams budget on doctors and the newest medical practice every season. Sometimes I wonder if this is really a hockey league, or actually just a giant medical conglomerate that makes sure the league makes some money in order to keep funding their crazy research. I mean, I haven't even heard of anyone outside of hockey getting hurt either. Is this league real? Is this just an excuse to funnel more money into the medical system? Come to think of it, every time I get a little banged up, a team doctor takes me back to a dark room, then all I remember is walking back to the game feeling great! I don't even miss a shift. I think I'm asking too many questions, they might find me.

Bongo · 05-12-2024, 11:19 PM

In a world where injuries are possible in the simulation hockey league, we must have all of the juice monkey doctors lined up for specific healing purposes. Steroids were once a shady business; perhaps foreign entitites would import and export these in demand taboo goods.

Now, steroids are like an IV drip, or access to a personal chef. Steroids are simply like coffee for the bourgeoisie. That is, if you were ashamed of your espresso. Anybody on your TV with an admirable physique has dabbled, and why hate? They are simply richer than you, and do steroids. They may tell you it’s all hard work, and chicken and broccoli is the only key to success. Perhaps a small harem of their equally mentally corrupt subordinates are aware of steroids use in their exclusive circles but they never allow the peasants a chance to dabble. They know they’d be too powerful.

Bongo would cycle anavar, rad140, mk677, turkesterone, testosterone, deca, nerds rope, trenbolone, and clomid in order to rid himself of shin splints.

***NYR73*** · 05-12-2024, 11:22 PM

I thought my player had a pretty good playoffs, especially in that second half leading into the playoffs. I was hoping that would lead to some momentum for him once the playoffs started. My player has always had struggles in the playoffs, he has a point per game ratio of 1.39 in the regular season compared to 0.94 in the playoffs. So there is obviously some significant falloff. In the first two rounds of the playoffs this year my player is scoring at just over a point per game with 14 points in 13 games. So he has been pretty good but it is definitely not at the same level as his regular season production. he will need to step it up against hamilton if baltimore is gonna advance. Luckily Valieva has been playing elite level hockey and has been our MVP so far. Hopefully she can keep up the production too. Just need my player to kick into a new gear and hopefully we can make a run

Runningman434 · 05-12-2024, 11:24 PM

Written Option 1: Despite high speeds, countless hits and blocked shots somehow no SHL player has missed a game to injury in who knows how long. How does the league do it? Are players pumped up with so many drugs and steroids that nothing can hurt them? Better doctors than money can buy to operate anyone during intermission? Clones? Is it all just a simulation?

It's obviously a conspiracy by big SHL to keep their investors and the sports betting community happy. If the stars get injured think of all the revenue lost. The easy solution is to use robots. The best SHL scientists have perfected the synthetic humanoid (suck it Boston Dynamics) and by running a battery of tests and scans on every SHL player, can tune every bots servos, sensors, and actuators to replicate that player's physical demeanor perfectly. Furthermore, they can map a players brain and download it into the robots processors a la Elon's Nueralink and voila. A perfect replica of every SHL player that cannot be injured. This also has the added benefit of allowing every SHL player (the real one, not the robo version) to fil bonus promos and sign merch while their forged counterpart is busy on the rink. Nothing like the wonders of technology to make the SHL the most profitable league out there. It's just that easy y'all

Huck24 · 05-12-2024, 11:31 PM

Written option #2

The playoffs are definitely a different beast. I say that for all sports, but it is espcially true for hockey. Every single player turns their game up a notch when the playoffs start, and a team that is able to turn it all on at the right time is nearly unstoppable when it matters the most. Lyle Odelein IV had an ok season with the Anchorage Armada posting 11 goals and 15 assists in the regular season. Nothing to really celebrate, but ok numbers for his first full season in the SMJHL. I would like to say that he turned it up that notch when the playoffs started against the Great Falls Grizzlies, but he was not able to find that next level. In the 6 post season games the Armada played this season, Lyle only regiested 2 assists. He knows he needs to be better and that it takes a whole lot more to win in the playoffs. Hopefully, for Odelein and the Armada, he and the rest of the team, they find that extra gear when the time comes.

*Scrufdaddy* · 05-12-2024, 11:42 PM

Written Option 1:

Slip McScruff is convinced that the secret to such a long career with no injuries to any players is actually an illuminati conspiracy of clones, simulations, and aliens.

First off, every player has on tap clones which can be wheeled out at a moment's notice if the previous iteration is injured. The previous iteration is taken out back to the dressing room and the team doctor comes out with the new version two minutes later. That two minutes is the time it takes to do a full memory transfer. The previous iteration is carted off to the farm where they get a new identity and job maintaining the league in secret.

Second, this is all a simulation because the technology to do this clone replacement doesn't actually exist in the real world. Two minutes for a lifetime of memories? That is science fantasy. In reality, this would take 30 minutes which is much too long to be practical for a hockey game.

Third, aliens. Who has the power to run such a large simulation for such a silly social experiment? Aliens.

Slip McScruff has the photos and the scars to back up his experience in the SIMULATION hockey league.

DigDoug11 · 05-12-2024, 11:46 PM

Prompt 1 - 159 words

I got to say, it's very suspicious that no teams have had any players miss a game due to injuries, ever. No, I can't speak for any other team, because I'm not on those teams, but here in the Hamilton, we have some of the best training team and doctors anyone could ask for. And our GMs have mastered the techniques of not getting injured from blocking shots, its truly is an art form that these guys have master. Thats what we do here on the Steelhawks, but the word on the street is that other teams are doing things so cleanly, Steroids, experimental drugs, I've even heard of teams having a shaman on the team, not sure how that helps, but if they think it does, then more power to them. With the Steelhawks doing everything natty, I think that really shows how powerful we are as a team compared to the rest of the league

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