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***Canadice*** · 07-02-2021, 05:14 AM

So given the tough nature of Tomas play he had been asked to promote a line of boxing gloves made for training. Tomas was very happy for his first commercial and advertisements but had some concerns when the company decided that in order to increase the effectiveness of the gloves, they would be lined with extra weights. As soon as the product was sent out to the first couple of customers, complaints started pouring in of people being rushed to the hospital with head lacerations and concussions and damages being done to sandbags they had used for training. Complaints about the increase in shipping price, to handle the extra weight, was also a prominent cause for requests for refunds. All in all the entire situation made Lind very angry at the company and after talking to his agent, they both decided to produce a statement and step away from the collaboration citing false pretenses in their contract.

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sakrosankt · 07-02-2021, 06:35 AM

So, for once you agree to a deal to promote a product, then this happens. Damn it. Welp, I guess it's not my mistake at least, but still a bit ashaming. I'm the face of it now, but it has all been recalled. But how should I have known that it's not working? Not that I have tried it before or needed to use it. And honestly, there should be more awareness that there are several other opportunities you can use than the one everyone knows. Well, maybe there's not. The usecase is pretty obvious and there should be alternatives. Similar to Mike Posner, who took a pill in Ibiza to show Avici he was cool, you maybe need to take a pill to show your wife/mistress/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend/paramour or whomever you want to use your hard wood on that you are cool and ready to go. There needs to be alternatives to blue pills, and I just wanted to raise the awareness by supporting another brand. How should I have known it's not working? Not that I would have intercourse anyways.

ACapitalChicago · 07-02-2021, 06:39 AM

Describing the product Joseph Weston landed a placement deal with and what went wrong to warrant a recall is trivial as the product was Joseph Weston brand Cheerios as you cannot mess with the classics. What was happening to people who used the product you may ask? Absolutely nothing, it was Cheerios after all, how do you screw up Cheerios? It's like 95% grain with a little mixtures tossed in. What hidden message was written on the product or box? The same as all others that any box of Cheerios has, the product itself was absolutely normal. However, that didn't stop Sheila Bighorn in the marketing department from misreading an email she received from Dave Wazoo in management when they mislabeled a product needing a recall. This resulted in a hasty 4:45pm decision made by Sheila to recall the wrong product and ruining the chance for kids to wake up with a nice fresh box of Joseph Weston brand Cheerios in their cereal cabinets.

S66 Damian Littleton

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C9Van · 07-02-2021, 07:13 AM

I feel Jon Forty-One would have had a big hockey stick deal. Like a top of the line hockey stick with maybe sexy keanu reeves (Jon) pictures on them as the starting product. But then it would turn out that the factories made it went and made them with the incorrect material. Like steel or a heavier metal. So basically it would instead be like holding a metallic baseball bat that is just slightly lighter but longer.

Obviously when players start hurting themselves badly by hitting each other they would get recalled at that point and remade. Jon however, being the asshole that he is, would not care and see if he could keep them as they are. He is big on tough love and watching players get hurt is something he is happy to see happen to others. This would mainly be a side gig and he has never cared 1 bit for his rep so I could see this bad marketing news not actually doing anything to him but give him a slight giggle at peoples expense.

[180 words]

***Nike*** · 07-02-2021, 07:17 AM

Around the league, Kickz Jr. is known as a fairly stinky player. In fact, when other centers get in the faceoff circle against him, they often find themselves turning their head from the stench and losing their draws as a result. When Kickz got a call from Old Spice, it was a no brainer to sign an endorsement deal. He loved the way that the scents masked his ugly odors despite the negative effects to his faceoff percentage.

However, it was’t long after the endorsement deal was signed, that Kickz started to notice some odd changes happening to his body. His legs were slowly changing in size. His feet, started to transform into hooves. In fact, it was all over the news that Old Spice users around the world were starting to turn into horses from the waist down. And while there are benefits to being half horse, half man, they certainly aren’t benefits that help you play ice hockey professionally. Kickz and the rest of the old spice users had to quickly give up their deodorant and go back to smelling bad in order to save themselves from permanent transformation.

***Inf1d3l*** · 07-02-2021, 07:27 AM

Stan Din'Desque had originally received and endorsement from the makers of Flex Seal, but then the producers of As Seen on TV realized that Din'Desque was not a goaltender, which really killed that endorsement before it ever started. After that, he joined the team for the Arctic Air Pure Chill Personal Air Cooler. The unit itself works great, as long as you already use it when it's below zero outside. It cools the air in the summertime really well, for about 7 minutes, until the "cooling filter" decides it doesn't want to be cool anymore and just blows annoying warm air in your face louder than any personal fan would. However, if you live in an igloo or want to use it on the bench of, say, a hockey game to try to help cool down, despite the fact you're on ice all the time, it's perfect for you. Needless to say, the endorsement fell through...

reid · 07-02-2021, 09:38 AM

Reid recently endorsed a really shitty electric toothbrush, trying to make its way into the Seattle market. They thought that if they could get 8 out of 10 hockey players to endorse it instead of 8 out of 10 dentists, that that would ring true with their target audience. Instead, Reid showed up to the photo shoot missing a bunch of teeth. They panicked because that is obviously not a good look, but with no time to change, they shot the commerical and adds anyways. They then used cgi to replace Reid’s smile with a fake perfect one, but it ended up just looking like uncanny valley. When the toothbrush was actually released to market, it was a dud, with the battery exploding, causing customers to lose teeth and end up looking more like hockey players. To make matters worse, someone leaked the original photos without the fake smile, and it became a scandal for the company, as if they knew the toothbrush would blow up and give you teeth like Reid.

Evok · 07-02-2021, 10:46 AM

When Elizabeth Doyle was approached by the company making the Suck Without Worry, she thought it was clever. What's better in life than being able to use a straw that's not made of plastic so way better for the environment. The Suck Without Worry straw were a promising invention made with a recyclable material currently being developed and would reduce most of the earth population worry about plastic waste. She did a few try with them and really liked them, hence she decided to sign a deal with them where the deal promised a few commercial. After a few months in testing process, the scientific scene actually discovered that the material was not actually that much better for the environment. This triggered a massive recall of the product for every corner of the world. Elizabeth Doyle was clearly disappointed by this finding, as now, her face was associated with it and has a few more commercial to record with them, but fortunately, her agent Evok managed to work in the deal that if any scientific finding showed any issue, they could opt out.

Bruins10 · 07-02-2021, 11:03 AM

With the recent signing of Kaspars Claude to the Dragons, extending for another 3 seasons with the team, Dragon Motors reached out to the Latvian Defenseman. Dragon Motors, also known as DM, sent a DM to Kaspars in hopes of being the poster boy or the new canadian car company. The Car company came to life when the owners decided that with all the Oil fields causing pollution in Alberta, a new source of energy must be needed in order to safely fuel engines and at the same time protect the raising condition of Global Warming and pollution. The idea: grab a baby dragon in each car and have them blow fire into the motors in order for them to give the engine the power it needs.
The dangers that happened during testing were not bad ones. The dragons were trained to know the testers nd the workers at the DM facility. The problem was once people started buying these cars, for a whopping $200,000, the Dragons were not accustomed to the outside world and would snap to their new environments. The canadian government would force a recall and shut down of the Dragon Motor company until further notice

Bongo · 07-02-2021, 11:10 AM

Adam friedland decided to sponsor Philadelphia Bagels. Their claim to fame is that they are ultra athletic poppyseed bagels that come in all varieties. After a string of athletes getting popped for testing positive for opioids, PHILADELPHIA BAGELS decided to look into their product a little further. It appears that it is common to test a false-positive for opioids after eating poppyseed bagel due to a similar chemical makeup or whatever. our philadelphia scientists took a look and tested the chemical composition. It turns out the 'filler and glue' properties in the bagel bread actually rendered the bagels the label "imitation bread". These bagels aren't even bread at all!
of course, Friedland had to tuck his little tail in between his legs and Retweet the Philadelphia bagels RECALL notice; he's getting flamed on twitter by asexual rights activists, coffee dads who love marvel, and rich white women with celiac disease.. Friedland smirks to himself; he is acutely aware that the protest is the result of algorithms influencing behaviour to reinforce social capital. The shell game has never fooled him. Not once has he ever played. He puts his phone down, and tests the new Philadelphia bagel recipe.. oh yeah this hits just right baby.

Tate · 07-02-2021, 11:45 AM

Knox Booth thought he had it made when he launched his new deal with HubbaBubba gum to promote the, "Kissing Booths," where HubbaBubba booths were placed strategically all over the world in which people were tasked with trying new HubbaBubba gum and then kissing strangers so that they could both taste and feel how delicious the new HubbaBubba gum was. However, because there was a global pandemic with some kind of virus thing killing people, it was determined that this was not the best way to promote their new product, and action was taken to remove the Kissing Booths with Knox's picture. There was one benefit however to the whole fiasco and that was the fact that Knox received a whole lot of HubbaBubba gum for free and now spends his time chewing away as he stops pucks and wins games, so in the end at least he was able to enjoy the new product and he lives with the hope that one day his Kissing Booths will return.

*CptSquall* · 07-02-2021, 12:01 PM

Ruslan Zaporozhets is a known lover of a few things. Home cooked food, good Vodka, and cars from the old country. To sum it up, his heritage. For a man who had a custom LADA shipped over two seasons ago, things have to be very particularly well done in order for him to endorse it. Only problem is, he has never needed to have huge endorsements.

Small things like sponsoring Canadian Vodkas has always had a mixed reputation to earn given the different peoples who drink them. Some old stock Canadians agree with his selections, other, mainly younger Canadians prefer imports like Smirnoff, Russian Standard, or Grey Goose. Still the Ukrainian-Canadian community has been at times up in arms that he would promote anything less than classic vodka.

The other big standout has been the food from grocery stores and supporting a local mom a pop shop in Toronto had been a main passion of his. Due in part to his promotion and due in the other to the more friendly and less crowdedness of this small shop they had a large upturn in business. So much so that, unfortunately a large commercial chain store nearby started costing that chain money and they sought to fix that. When news broke about the multi outbreaks of salmonella and listeria at such a small place they were threatened with lawsuits and closure.

Ruslan would not stand for this as he had volunteered in the store rooms back there before and knew how thorough they were. With his own money he had someone investigate and found the source was to brands of a fistful of lettuce and spinach products that this little market shop does not buy, it WAS however found to be in common supply at the local chain store nearby.

Andy · 07-02-2021, 12:09 PM

Kamado was excited, who gets to land an endorsement deal with an ancient sword smith, he kept asking himself. "Wow, I get to be in sword commercials how cool is that!" He was beyond pumped. That was until his raven called him and told him about new demons. "Demons... in Baltimore? There is no way." "Go, they're dangerous and new demons." He was shocked, new demons that he had to go slay. At least his practice was over and his game vs. Manhattan wasn't until tomorrow afternoon.

"It never ends," he thought to himself. When he was ready, the raven told him where to go. His first assignment was in his apartment building! No way, this is wild. He shook his head in disbelief. He barges in the door, and there is freshly born demon. No idea where they are or how they became a demon. With a quick stroke Kamado sliced off their head. He looked around for what could have caused the transformation, and there it was, the sword that was sponsoring him. He saw blood dripping off of it and he knew it. Muzan somehow got to the sword or possibly others and was turning people who bought them into demons.

He went back to his apartment and grabbed his cell phone. "We're cancelling the sword deal," He told his agent in earnest. His agent was confused and Kamado didn't want to explain or expose him to the world of demons. "I think I want to keep my sword weilding and habits more to myself from now on and people playing with swords who don't know what they're doing is dangerous. It's keeping me up at night and I want to pull the plug" His agent sighed and agreed and they pulled the plug on the sword deal before Kamado had to go hunt more demons

jjlangabeer · 07-02-2021, 12:34 PM

Lucas Raymond had the opportunity to sign on with a well known and Large food corporation. They say down and decided that they would collaborate on an easily marketable product for Raymond, Swedish Meatballs. Things started off incredibly and they could not find away to keep the product on the shelf. A delicious product combined with Raymond's image on the bad had every family standing in line at there local grocer hoping to get their hands on a bag. They things started to fall apart when a bombshell was dropped on where these meatballs were being manufactured. The news came out that these amazing Swedish meatballs were being processed in Finland. When the hockey world and Raymond found out everything collapsed. The Swedish mafia put a lot of pressure on the corporation and Raymond immediately asked that all the remaining bags be destroyed. There was no way that Raymond could stomach his face being on a product that was made in Finland.

*CementHands* · 07-02-2021, 12:42 PM

Karl has a lot of investments. He built up his portfolio over years of pretty healthy contracts to the point where his passive income is enough to sustain him. This has lead to a very widespread sets of investments, and not all of them can really be 100% above board all the time. One of the more profitable businesses is his cash only (definitely not for money laundering) chain of strip clubs, the "Honest Politician" which has grabbed a foothold in the Baltimore evening scene.
Recently however there was an issue with the all inclusive buffet where patrons started developing pretty bad pinkeye that Visene could not help. This was an unfortunate marker that was difficult to hide, so very quickly all the high profile guests of the club were outed and known. Sources were able to tie the outbreak to some tainted chicken wings, so the buffet had to be pulled across all locations immediately and disinfected. A series of billboards, newspaper adds, and TV adds on political news shows had to be taken out to address the issue, and a new club will be opening next week called the "Pink Eye", we hope to see you all there!

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