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*Zoone16* · 07-29-2020, 02:17 PM

(500 words. Ready for Grading)

From news articles to power rankings, to satirical pieces and statistical breakdowns, the SHL has seen a fair share of networks rise up, as users unite and pool their resources to acquire even more data to write articles relevant to stay afloat in today’s SHL economy. With the rise of said networks, it was only a matter of time until these groups of users clashed upon one another, accusing one another of stealing logos, of not being legit, and not being accurate in their interpretation of data. With the literary battlefield littered with the metaphorical corpses of authors done in by their own penmanship, or lack thereof, microphones and recordings on shady USB sticks, it was time for the supervising body to take action and settle these disputes once and for all.

Introducing the latest network; SHLMG. Standing for SHL Media Group, this is a brand-new network meant to regulate and set the standard for other networks to follow. Did you want this? Probably not. So, we did it anyway! No more stabbing one another in a dark alley with an unsharpened HB2 pencil, or choking someone with the physical tape of your latest podcast, all you need is to submit your requests to SHLMG and we’ll set a time and date for your desired duels. We’ll even provide disinfectants and towels to clean off the blood and dispose of the corpses for you. Talk about a bargain!

The benefits don’t stop there! We’ll provide you all the heart-warming, gut-wrenching, statistical-crunching stories and analysis you’ll ever need. From Networks power rankings, to stories of your favourite authors (users) as they chase eternal SHL Media glory, and many more, we have you covered. Plans are also underway for a brand new, revamped media section (possibly, don’t quote me on this, or at least not right now), a regular season, playoffs, and a trophy for the best media network. You didn’t want it. We didn’t want it. So, we did it anyway. Enjoy!

Just trust SHLMG. A network for networks to deal with networks!

Please be advised that SHLMG does not condone violence and you should not be hurting others regardless of network affiliation. The SHL and SHLMG are not responsible for your actions as you are (or should be) a, hopefully, sane adult capable of making your own decisions without inciting violence or pain upon anyone. If you, a loved one, or someone you know has been hurt by any of the competing networks please reach out to our customer relations center. SHLMG is comprised of only a single member, and other media graders are in no way affiliated to this, especially not reid_sutherland who is already affiliated with SHN because he stinks. Not fit for consumption. Please consult a doctor if this article makes you: laugh, cry, angry, sad, question your existence, give you no emotional reaction whatsoever, make you want to leave a witty comment or retort, make you want to thunderdome me, all of the above or in any combination of the above, for longer than 4 hours. This entire article is based on this one comic strip here