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Nokazoa · 12-06-2020, 04:27 PM

Jean Paul has some great shot accuracy. He can hit a trash can from anywhere in the room. From the kitchen, to windows, to the walls, it didn't matter. It was nothing but trashbag. He used to say "Kobe" but he doesn't anymore. Rest in Peace man. But his shot accuracy isn't just in physical department. His chirps are dead on accurate. You don't want to be on the receiving end of them. Its why he is a captain. No one could challenge him for fear of chirps. Sometimes though, he is too accurate. He, one time, struck such a nerve that him and the other guy got into a rap battle. Jean-Paul can't rap well so he rapped in French. He won since no one else spoke french. Jean-Paul doesn't speak french either but the name gives him the credibility. Most of the time, Jean-Paul keeps his superpower hidden. He has had a few instances of relationship fallout from what he says, so he wants to avoid that.

Kraagenskul · 12-06-2020, 05:03 PM

If I have to choose one attribute to use in my everyday life, it's going to be Defensive Read. It would assist in all walks of life to keep me safe.

Driving: know when to change lanes to avoid an accident.
Eating out: tells me the best seat in the restaurant to protect myself in case of an attack.
Walking: Should I cross the street now or is someone going to ignore my crosswalk rights?
Kayaking: Should I paddle left or right to avoid getting crushed by an orca?
Drinking: Is one more drink too much?
Dating: Is this person I am considering across the club bat shit crazy? Mom always said to stay away from that.
Buying a car: Is this guy really giving me a deal on this new car?
Hiking: Do I play dead or shove this bat shit crazy person I am dating and run like hell from this bear?

MyLittleHexx · 12-06-2020, 05:23 PM

Only two things are needed by Justin Keahi off the ice, stamina and poke check. That's right, having good stamina and a good poke check can lead to all sorts of magical things. With better stamina, you can last longer in whatever task you need to do. Lasting longer, you'll be able to please more people because you aren't having to stop as frequently. With a good poke check off ice, the world is your oyster. You mix these two together, and you have an unstoppable skill set that will drive the ladies wild. It'll be like you're playing the Chel games, just spamming that poke check all night long. If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm alluding to the fact that these are skills that work in a sexual nature. So spam that poke check all night long with your unlimited stamina, you crazy kids.

ACapitalChicago · 12-06-2020, 05:34 PM

I shall do this task for skaters in the D&D Tomato Analogy Format.

Screening, your ability to block a tomato.
Getting Open, your ability to catch a tomato.
Passing, your ability to throw someone a tomato.
Puckhandling, your ability to hold a tomato.
Shooting Accuracy, your ability to throw the tomato where you want it.
Shooting Rage, how far you can throw a tomato.
Offensive Read, general tomato throwing aptitude.
Checking, your ability to push a tomato.
Hitting, your ability to crush a tomato.
Positioning, knowing where the tomato goes.
Stickchecking, using the tomato to push another tomato.
Shot Blocking, ability to jump in front of tomatoes thrown at someone else.
Faceoffs, picking the right tomato at the right time-ato.
Defensive Read, general tomato aptitude, but defensively.
Acceleration, how quickly you can start doing things with a tomato.
Agility, how maneuverable you are with a tomato.
Balance, how well you can keep a tomato balanced on something.
Speed, maximum amount of how fast you can do things with a tomato.
Stamina, how long can you do things with a tomato.
Strength, capacity to crush/move/throw/block a tomato.
Fighting, smashing a tomato, but on someone else at close quarters.
Aggression, how angry you are when you see a tomato.
Bravery, how unafraid of tomatoes you are.

S66 Damian Littleton

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Henrik · 12-06-2020, 05:48 PM

I think Henrik Lekberg Osterman stats would make him very good at Rex Kwon Do (ignore the terrible fighting skill). Unfortunately, when given the opportunity to learn the system of self-defense thought by Sensei Rex himself, HLO was busy with hockey and could not spare eight weeks. For example, his speed and acceleration would make him exceptionally good at breaking the wrist and walking away. Combine this with his high agility, positioning, checking as well as balance and you can be absolutely certain that he will block incoming kicks everytime. The only part of Rex Kwon Do HLO might not excel at is self-image. With fairly low aggression and bravery stats, he would not impaired fear in his enemies. Not even while wearing the official Rex Kwon Do fighting attire. He also does not currently have a bodybuilder girlfriend or a buddy, so on second thought maybe Rex Kwon Do isn't something for HLO. Good thing he stuck with hockey.

***micool132*** · 12-06-2020, 06:35 PM

Nathan Explosion finds lot of use for his hockey abilities outside the ice when he performs many of his classic songs on stage with his band Dethklok.

Of course, aggression and fighting comes in handy especially when he is shooting the videoclip of the song Face Fisted, or I ejaculate Fire. Fans of the metal band expect the singer to perform his face fisting by himself, not by a stunt double and so a good punching technique comes in handy.

Outside of the scene, Explosion likes to read books. Thats where his defensive read and offensive read ability comes in useful. Reading a book is not much different than reading a hockey play. You gotta sit down in a quiet place and turn pages one by one, just like hockey. Some say his reading skills are so high that he can predict the ending of every books before having read half of the pages.

Finally, another hockey ability which translates well outside the ice is the skating skill. It's not everyday a metal singer gets invited to skate with the stars and as such you can be sure he won't look like a fool at this event since he already knows how to skate (not backwards tho since it's useless)

Sean · 12-06-2020, 06:37 PM

Well, the ladies love Pepperoni and there's only one stat in there that's truly going to help the ladies back and that's stamina. Stamina is one of the most important attributes off the ice because it affects your ability to keep going even through adversity. Now, there's the obvious *wink wink nudge nudge* reason stamina is important but there's many other reason's it's important! First, being a professional athlete on the ice is going to take away a lot of energy. If you want to live an exciting life, you're going to need to dig deep and find more energy despite having such a physically demanding job. Second, I'd rather be a long-distance runner than a sprinter. Who wants to be one and done real quick in life. I'd rather pace myself and take in a lot of experiences over a lot of time. In the great words of Miley Cyrus. I can't stop and I won't stop. Need to have some stamina for that!

EDM All-Time Leader in Goals, Assists and Points

***Patty*** · 12-06-2020, 06:50 PM

Defensive Read would be a great in real life stat to increase. Imagine you are driving and someone serves into your lane. Defensive Read would help you see it coming. Say a deer or some other small worthless rodent darts in front of your car a high Defensive read stat would help you pick the best route to dodge it or maybe just splatter it. It could help in social situations too. You’re on a second date with someone. You’ve told them about your simulation hockey league and they still split the bill with you. They came back for a coffee and didn’t dart when they saw the 200 frozen hotdogs in your fridge. But your defensive read spidey sense tingles. You can’t shake the heeby jeebys. You don’t invite them on a third date to Cracker Barrel. A week later you’re browsing Simulation Hockey League.com. You see your date has been named CoGM of the Newfoundland Berserkers. You breathe a sigh of relief. You’ve had a brush with danger, but Defensive Read has saved you. You could have been a frozen hotdog.

***Acsolap*** · 12-06-2020, 07:07 PM

Rex Kirkby loves cooking and occasionally goes back to his old man's pub where he gets put to work in the kitchen. His various attributes learned over his time in hockey often come in handy.

Screening: covering for the other staff when they make a mistake.
Getting Open: getting orders out fast enough so you can get outside for a quick drag on a durry
Passing: how you manage the pass
Puckhandling: total number of plates carried at one time without breaking
Shooting Accuracy: ability to follow the recipe
Shooting Rage: for when the waiters aren't fast enough. Offensive Read: is the chef insulting me or is it just banter?
Checking: making sure all checks are completed
Hitting: for pretty waitresses/guests
Positioning: getting out of the way of other chefs
Stickchecking: mixing ability
Shot Blocking: that's what an apron is for
Faceoffs: when you blame the chef and be blames you
Defensive Read: when the customer sends something back
Acceleration: when it's time for last call and you need to get everything out
Agility: for not cutting yourself
Balance: for when someone doesn't use a wet floor sign
Speed: for getting food out in a timely manner
Stamina: for the 14 hour shifts
Strength: for when the barback calls sick and you need to bring in the kegs by yourself
Fighting: for unruly patrons
Aggression: standard fare for chefs
Bravery: for telling your dad you're a professional hockey player and can't be fucked with this shit anymore

Credit to Ml002, King, Wasty, Carpy, Bruins10, Rum_Ham, Turd Ferguson, Ragnar and Enigmatic for the sigs.
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raymond3000 · 12-06-2020, 07:08 PM

On the ice, Andreas Kvalheim is well known for his excellent two-way play, which is helped by his strong offensive read and defensive read skills, allowing him to easily process a situation and process information. Off the ice, Kvalheim uses these skills in a different way - to read books. Andreas is an avid reader, and his high offensive read and defensive read attributes help him to quickly read novels and understand the deeper plots and themes of these books. Defensive read allows Andreas to understand character's motivations and actions and allows him to accurately predict how the plot will progress. Other attributes which help Andreas with his hobby are Speed (which increases his reading speed), Screening (which allows him to efficiently screen through his to-read list to select the next book to read) and Getting Open (which helps him find time in his busy schedule to read). Currently, Andreas is reading 'The Torch That Ignites the Stars', the third book in the Arcane Ascension series by Andrew Rowe.

mastersheep · 12-06-2020, 07:15 PM

Ethan Duncan is great at offensive and defensive read as they require great overall vision and situational awareness on the ice, but also uses it for his own purposes off the ice. He sometimes seems to have eyes on the back of his head and this has helped him get out of some sticky situations and give him clarity. For instance, he was nearly the victim of a robbery, but managed to notice a man in an alley near Fells Point just in time approaching him and used his speed and agility to evade his would be attacker. Yes, he ran away. You would too.

Duncan has also recently become a well-known drunkard, but you might not know it by the way he maintains himself at clubs and bars throughout Baltimore and nearby towns. He attributes this to his great balance, noting that he is not a fall down drunk like many people would be after eight drinks and also has a bit of fortuity to get through some wild nights. He stumbles around the city sometimes, but has never fallen over. Instead he often decides to take a nice swim in the icy cold harbor instead using his incredible stamina. Some might say this is a crazy man, but nope it’s just a hockey player in midseason form.

drodger91 · 12-06-2020, 07:19 PM

Being the jet setter that Valtteri Aalto is, he has found many hobbies over the years that has stuck with him into his hockey career.

Growing up in Japan, Aalto took a liking to cars in his younger years, especially fast cars. Before his hockey career started to flourish Aalto was a decorated young driver in the formula junior series in Japan. Some of the biggest attributes that helped him there, bravery, reflexes and mental toughness have found themselves in great use during his hockey career.

First you have bravery. Now what goalie does not possess this? They stand in front of shots that exceed 100+MPH. You must have the bravery needed for that.

Then you have reflexes. When you are throwing a single seater around corners too fast for your brain to keep up and somehow goes off track or cuts you off, you need the reflexes of a ninja to make sure you get out of harm’s way.

Last you have mental toughness. If you don’t have the mental ability to make it through grueling race weekends and the extreme highs and lows that also come with the sport, you won’t make it.

JayWhy · 12-06-2020, 07:56 PM

We are now living in an unprecedented time. It is a literal pandemic going on out there. With that in mind, it's pretty obvious the one atteibute that helps the most is Getting Open. Finding space, away from anybody else, preferably six or more feet away, is essential now. Especially as insane people come out of the woodwork to spout nonsense about the hoax disease or whatever they're saying. You need to have a gameplan and be able to recognize the space around you to get to a better spot away from all of them.

Just today, I was in the store waiting to check out and this person, thankfully masked, was basically breathing down my neck. It was horrible. Like, sir, please step away. Thankfully, due to my ability to find space and exploit it, I was able to sight room to my left and moved into a different lane in order to check out, removing myself from the awful situation.

An old man's dream ended. A young man's vision of the future opened wide. Young men have visions, old men have dreams. But the place for old men to dream is beside the fire.

Thanks to Jackson, Copenhagen, and Harry Hans!

GOING DOWN IN STYLE. TOAST4LYFE

*Ferda* · 12-06-2020, 08:07 PM

Well we all know the Big Wanger loves to wheel, snipe and celly whenever he wants to, so that is why he's been training hard to get his stamina up. All of the ladies love a guy who can last long in bed, so the 99 stamina that the Wanger has achieved is a feat to marvel at. He attributes his training to the copious amounts of cardio he puts himself through every single day. His ability to last that long has also been helpful in his swimming endeavors as he looks to pursue a potential competitive swimming career after he has retired from professional hockey. Women have called him the "Michael Phelps" and "Shaq" of the bedroom. Regardless, the only thing that Wang is excited about swimming in is all of the women woo-ing over him. The women (and men) in Anchorage and Buffalo can't help but love the Big Wanger.

***Hallsy*** · 12-06-2020, 08:44 PM

I would say stamina would be important and very useful in off ice situations, I could be able to run a every long time, or do stuff and not really get tired and not get worst at stuff as I do the same thing over and over. Also it could help in fucking as I could last a very long time in bed and I think my future girlfriends would appreciate that u know that I last a really long time in bed. Also it would help me not need sleep as I wouldn't need to sleep since I could last a very long time in bed and do more important stuff, I could workout more and get better on the ice too, I could do three a days without getting tired which would help with my on tice performance and I would be op'd on the ice.

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