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**bbjygm** · 06-21-2021, 02:04 PM

Welcome to the SHL (first half)
Parody of Bo Burnham's “Welcome to the Internet”

[Verse 1]
Welcome to the SHL! Have a skate around
Anything that decimates your self-worth can be found
We've got pages of comments—some better, some worse
If none of it's of interest to you, you'd be the first

[Verse 2]
Welcome to the SHL! Never leave your seat
Would you like to hear a podcast or elitist children screech?
There's no need to panic; this isn't our best, haha
Just sit back and click your mouse, we'll show the rest

[Verse 3]
Welcome to thе SHL! What would you prefеr?
Would you like to welcome users or T.D. a racial slur?
Be crafty! Be warming! Be bursting with glee!
As you deem everyone but you as a sheep

[Verse 4]
Welcome to the SHL! Put your life aside
Here's a tip for padding word count; here's a vet who's brain is fried
We've got homework and hockey and fantasy sports
And a bunch of colored-pencil drawings of all the different players in Hamilton fucking each other

[Verse 5]
Welcome to the SHL! We all pretend we're jocks
Now a random guy just kindly posted ads to grow your cock
They're grammatically off-putting; he just posted more
Don't miss your chance—you know you'll need it, you whore
[Verse 6]
See a sexist comment, get offended, see a shrink
Show us pictures of your doggies, tell us every thought you think
Curry favor, start a rave, or make a logo your screen saver
Post a dish without a flavor; misbehave or shove a shaver in your—
Here's some stats for made-up hockey, you should feel depressed
Here's why Simon doesn't like you, here's how you could be more stressed
Which questions will you ask me? Lets start an AMA
Post from your bomb shelter on inauguration day

[Chorus]
Could I interest you in fake hockey all of the time?
A little bit of fake hockey all of the time
PTs over family, those gains will need full-time
Nothing but more fake hockey all of the time
Could I interest you in fake hockey all of the time?
A little bit of fake hockey all of the time
PTs over family, those gains will need full-time
Nothing but more fake hockey all of the time

Mediocre_Fred · 06-21-2021, 02:13 PM

Make a few changes to The Beatles' One after 909, including the title, to make it a song about a player trying to reach his 100th career goal. I call it One after 99.
[Verse 1]
I said I'm tryin' for the one after ninety-nine
I said move over buddy, you know that next goal's mine
I said move over once, move over twice
Come on man, quit hoggin the ice
I said I'm tryin' for the one after ninety-nine

[Verse 2]
I've been tryin' oh so hard, but my mates aren't passing to me
They're only fooling 'round, only fooling 'round with me
I said move over once, move over twice
Come on, guys, you know that's not nice
I said I'm tryin' for the one after ninety-nine

[Chorus]
Tapped my stick, showed frustration
Teammate said "you're in the wrong location"
Get the puck, skate in hot
The crowd all laughed when I whiffed my shot

And then my creative abilities ran out, so I didn't do the other verses.

***TheFlash*** · 06-21-2021, 02:14 PM

Blow at High Dough

They had a sim league once, SHL.com
Teams were in it, from miles around,
Out at the expansion draft, some Montreal thing
We’ll I ain’t no 2000 TPE star,
But this new scale can make me decent at everything

Bank it out, bank it all out,
Yeah just bank those things,
Unbank them, unbank them,
At least until you’re 15 in most things
Wellll the gm likes his balanced builds,
Never wants the earning to stop,
So I kept on earning, kept on earning,
Gotta get to the top.

Sometimes, the faster I earn,
The less my player does
But you gotta remember,
The more balanced your build,
The further you’re gonna go,
When you’re earning with the new scale
When you’re earning with the new scale

Wearingabear · 06-21-2021, 02:22 PM

Down 6-0

Let's go boys
It tears into your mind
Shoot the puck
Where your city used to be

Being down 6-0
Let him who hath understanding recon the number of the beast
Get to the corners and play our game
Communication Breakdown, It’s always the same

SHOOT THE PUCK
You know we guarantee
The boys celly
Peace sells, but who’s buying

Being down 6-0
Taste me you will see
Get to the corners and play our game
Communication Breakdown, It’s always the same

Seymour · 06-21-2021, 02:22 PM

Beans, beans, the scoring fruit
The more you eat, the more you score
The more you score, the better you feel.
So let's have beans with every meal.

Blasoon · 06-21-2021, 02:59 PM

To the tune of Nirvana's Lithium

I'm so happy 'cause today I found Gabe's stats
They're in my head
I'm so ugly, that's okay, 'cause Gabe is worse
Shave our 'stache
Sim day morning is everyday, for all I care
And I'm not scared
Ride my eyeboats in a daze
'Cause I've found Gabe

Gabe, Gabe
Gabe, Gabe
Gabe, Gabe
Gabe, Gabe
Gabe, Gabe
Gabe, Gabe, Gabe

ShnarlyDude · 06-21-2021, 03:16 PM

I am on the Boats.
I am on the Boats.
Everybody look at me, cuz I am playing for the Boats.

charlieconway · 06-21-2021, 04:18 PM

Quote:Your task: Create a parody title and/or parody lyrics to a song. MUST BE SHL/HOCKEY related parody. 5 words minimum! (Note: I will be assessing the thought that goes into this PT. "Yeah Hockey Yeah" x8 will not earn you any tpe)

The song is titled "Talk is Cheap", and it's sung to the tune of "Creep" by Radiohead. It's from the perspective of a tough hockey player that's part incredulous, part disappointed, at an opponent that acts like a dirtbag on the ice but won't back it up, and when he finally does, he gets his ass handed to him.

♫♫♫
When you were here before
Couldn't look me in the eye
You punch like an angel
Hard play makes you cry
You float like a feather
In a hack-and-slash world
You wish you were special
But you're nothin' special

Talk is cheap
You're a weakling
What the hell are you doin' here?
You don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
Your anger's out of control
You've gotta give your body
your mind and your soul
I want them to notice
When you are around
So fuckin' special
You wish you were special

Talk is cheap
You're a weakling
What the hell are you doin' here?
You don't belong here

He's skating to the bench (run)
He's running out
He run, run, run, run,
Run...

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You wish you were special
But you're nothing special
But you're nothing special
♫♫♫

JSS331 · 06-21-2021, 04:32 PM

These kind of mPTs are always the hardest to come up with. I am not a very creative person so rather than do lyrics, I'm going with Hotel Hamilton by the Steelhawks, based very loosely on the song Hotel California by the Eagles.

*Zoone16* · 06-21-2021, 04:44 PM

Shut Up by Black Eyed Peas -> Shutout by Luca Del Vecchio

(intro + verse 1)

shutout
just shutout, shutout
shutout
just shutout shutout
shutout

We're try to win the game
But we're still goin insane
And we try to fuck it up

But it still ends up a win
And i'm craaazzzzyyy
For tryin to be your goaaalieeee
I think I'm saving

Team, me and you we're just fine (you know)
We hit and saved
Did them things that teammtes do when winnin (you know)
Score in the nets and stuff (you know)

Things that teammates say and do
I saved it boo, I hit him too
I blocked it a lot, I blocked it even more
That's why we winnin out
When we was on tour...

But then something got out of hand
You start blocking when I had it man
Even though I had an easy save dang (bull shit)
You know I gotta win awards gang (bull shit)
How could you not trust my skill guys
That's why you don't believe my lies
And quit this lecture

shutout
just shutout, shutout
shutout
just shutout shutout
shutout

*Mutedfaith* · 06-21-2021, 05:11 PM

Jason Paige - Pokemon Theme

I wanna be the very best
Like no one ever was
To play games is my real test
To score goals is my cause
I will travel across the land
Skating every ice
Pick up a stick to understand
The power that's inside

[Chorus]
(Minnesota, gonna score 'em all) It's you and me
I know it's my destiny
(Minnesota) Oh, you're my best friends
Take a lead, we must defend
(Minnesota, gonna score 'em all) A heart so true
Our courage will pull us through
Pass to me and I'll score too
Minnesota! (Gonna score 'em all) Gonna score 'em all
Yeah

[Verse 2]
Every challenge along the way
With courage I will face
I will battle every day
To claim my rightful place
Come with me, the time is right
There's no better team
Arm in arm, we'll win the league
It's always been our dream

Philip3242 · 06-21-2021, 05:15 PM

Do I wanna know? (Does your D-man play both ways?)
Pre-Chorus:
Do I wanna know?
Does this D-man play both ways?
Don’t let the scoring go,
Need you on the power play,
Baby we both know,
That your plus minus was made,
For taking a trip way out into outer space,
Chorus:
Blocking lots of shots
Never though of stopping, though I’ve blocked a few,
Cos I always do,

BoloBill · 06-21-2021, 05:40 PM

New Anchorage Armada Fight song

"

Go, go, go anchorage armada
Gently down the ice
Merrily merrily, merrily, merrily
Lets win the 4 star twice
GO , go, go anchorage armada
Gently down the ice
Merrily merrily, merrily, merrily
Win or lose we don't play nice

qWest · 06-21-2021, 06:50 PM

Parody to the Beach Boys "California Girls"

Colorado Raptors
Well, Kelowna kids are kewl, I really dig those inactives they play
And the Quebec girls with the shit they talk, they crack me up when
I'm up there
The Anchorage boys really make you feel like shite
And the Anaheim guys, with the way they suck, they keep their
hot takes salty at best

I wish they all could be Colorado
(Wish they all could be Colorado)
I wish they all could be Colorado Raptors

tweedledunn · 06-22-2021, 12:40 AM

I see a little Poroshenko of a man
Sondergard,Sondergard, will you do the Garbanzo?
Thunder Bork and lightning, Henrik Lekberg frightening me
(Aittokallio) Aittokallio, (Aittokallio) Aittokallio, Aittokallio Figaro magnifico

But I'm just a Mack Daddy, nobody loves me
He's just a Hugh Jazz from a poor family
Spare him his life from Mika Kandinsky
Easy come, Elijah Jones, will you let me go?
Scianna! No, we will not let you go
(Let him go) Kastrba! We will not let you go
(Let him go) Balzams! We will not let you go
(Let me go) Will not let you go
(Let me go) Will not let you go
(Never, never, never, never let me go) Ah
Bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, Kane
(Oh, mamma mia, mamma mia) Collin Gibbles, let me go
Pojo Biscuit has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me!

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