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KC15 · 11-15-2021, 01:20 PM

There was a priest who had been to a wedding reception and unfortunately continued the festivities right into the drive home. With his cup of wine in the beverage holder of the car, he was pulled over for weaving a bit too much. When the officer asked what was in the cup, the priest replied, "Just water." The officer asked to see the cup, took a sniff, and declared, "This is wine, Father." The priest looked towards heaven and replied, "Well I'll be! You did it again!"

mastersheep · 11-15-2021, 01:45 PM

One of the most memorable pranks was when I changed everyone's nickname in the BAP LR to Zoone, the war room changed their pfp pics to Zoone and I changed the server icon to his pfp as well. That ended up being a very fun day full of memes and lots of other shenanigans.

***hotdog*** · 11-15-2021, 02:01 PM

what is the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?
I have never had a garbanzo bean on my face.
Shoutout to Brass Against and Sophia Urista

jRuutu · 11-15-2021, 02:09 PM

When I was a kid I saw a drunk person fell into a ditch. It was a shallow one, but since it happened on a straight road I thought it was funny. Looking back now it was rather sad.

soulja · 11-15-2021, 02:19 PM

So a joke or a fact, however you want to take it that i heard from one of my buddies recently is the following " A true warrior isn't afraid of a little blood on his sword". It's up to you to decipher what that means

**leafsftw1967** · 11-15-2021, 02:26 PM

A funny good pickup line I heard last week goes like this: “I am nike and you are mcdonalds. Cause I'm doing it and you're loving it!” This pick up line had me laughing pretty hard when my buddy shared it with me.

*Zerg* · 11-15-2021, 02:47 PM

One time, at work, I got to tell a representative of the Chinese Community Party to fuck off. I had to use more professional language, obviously, but you better believe I had a giggle after I told him that my employer prioritizes the realities of international shipping over the territorial claims of the CCP.
[54 words]

**bbjygm** · 11-15-2021, 02:48 PM

I like anti jokes.

What's brown and sticky?
A stick.

What's a foot long and slippery?
A slipper.

What's blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint.

What do you call a pigeon that can’t find its way back home?
A pigeon.

Why do flamingos stand on one leg?
If they lifted up the other one, they’d fall over.

If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.

Why did the mailman die?
Because everybody dies.

How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them.

What rhymes with orange?
No it doesn’t.

What is red and extremely bad for your teeth?
A flying brick.

What's green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.

What is worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Arson.

steveoiscool · 11-15-2021, 03:11 PM

My go to joke was from an issue of Batman, from the Joker: "Did you hear the one about the letter without a stamp? Eh, you wouldn't get it."

*slothfacekilla* · 11-15-2021, 03:18 PM

I thought that it was pretty funny the season that New Orleans won the cup that people were talking in chat like they had no chance and wouldn't even win a game. It was nice to be able to win against the evil empire and prove people wrong.

***Chevy*** · 11-15-2021, 03:53 PM

Oh man. So this happened last season. Fresh off of getting expansion GM for GFG, I teamed up with @steveoiscool to execute a beautifully executed gator on @ACapitalChicago, much to his dismay (but also took it in most admirable stride). It was, as far as I've seen, one of the best gag's pulled off.

Other than that, I would have to say (not anything I've done), seeing @brickwall35's flawless execution of a gag on @Kalakar is arguably legendary.

**_Blitz_** · 11-15-2021, 04:05 PM

When I was in high school, we were told tale of one of the best senior pranks to happen in real life. I went to a magnet school which, for the unaware, is a school with consistently failing standardized test scores that is usually in a poor neighborhood which is then given a hyperspecialized program or set of programs to entice kids who are really good at taking tests to go there. For most of my time, it was about 50-50 magnet to traditional students, which created an ecosystem of extremes. My graduating class had 185 people between traditional and magnet students, and in the first 5 years afterward we had as many people graduate from Top 50 universities as we did people who were sentenced to more than 3 years of jail time. Our football team had one of the longest and nastiest rivalries in the state and our robotics teams were all internationally ranked. My freshman year was the first time I'd ever seen somebody walk out of a testing room, and in my junior year we made custom shirts for breaking 2000 on the SAT (the max score at the time was 2400, apparently it's different now).

Our principal really tried to level with all of us in mostly the same ways. He had his work set out for him and we didn't make it easier on most days, but he also invited a bit of it. In an effort to get us to "take ownership of our school", it was decreed that no students should be cutting across the grass, especially not in the courtyard. Stepping foot off the pavement during a passing period really was like that one scene in the Princess Diaries. In general, that was whatever, but the bitch of it was that the principal had a shiny maroon golf cart with enlarged chrome rims and yellow decals (school colors, the prick) that he rode around... in the grass. To yell at people. With a megaphone.

That went over about the opposite of Coke and Mentos, so a few guys hatched a plan. County was doing roadwork about a half-mile from campus at the time, so these guys went out one morning about 5 AM and stole a backhoe. I don't know how, it varied from version to version, but my favorite was that they just got a set of keys from somewhere and drove off with it. Pulled around through the bus ramp and then got to work digging a 7-foot deep hole (little over 2 meters) in the middle of the courtyard, and then pushed the golf cart across campus into the hole and left it. Mischief managed, they started back to the construction site.

They probably could have gotten away with it, too, if not for the nature of the environment not rearing its head: There was an early morning drug bust at the corner store a block down from the school, and they all got arrested incidentally because three teenagers driving a backhoe down technically a neighborhood road at 6:30 in the morning was sketchy as shit. Admin had to wait for the summer to fix everything and it was pretty quiet for a few days in the immediate aftermath. By the time I got there, our principal was back to his bullshit, but you could wreck his whole day by asking about that golf cart.

Raven · 11-15-2021, 04:43 PM

Code:
Your task: Tell me about a joke you know or have heard, a good prank you've seen, something funny that's happened here or irl. Reminisce about something that made you laugh. Let's get happy.

My favourite prank ever was when I asked my friend if he liked the fast food restaurant chain Wendy's. After he answered with a hearty yes, I quickly said, oh yeah, I bet you like when these (sounds like wendy's) nuts hit you chin. Absolute banger.

[46 words]

Thank you Fever, sköldpaddor and OD for the amazing sigs!

Montreal Impact/Militia Militia-Old

|Player Page| Stars

|Update Page| Japan

Vaxlare · 11-15-2021, 04:54 PM

I'm a fan of dad jokes and puns so here it goes.

What’s Forrest Gump’s Facebook password?
- 1forest1.

Why did the computer always play “Someone Like You?”
- It was a Dell.

What is it called when Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up?
- Alloys.

Crunk · 11-15-2021, 05:58 PM

A man walks into a bar and orders a pint of Guinness. The barman says "I can't serve you a Guinness, or the bats will get you."

He left the place, annoyed and tried the pub over the road. He's told "I can't serve you a Guinness, or the bats will get you.".

The man tries every place serving beer in his town, and is met with the same response. "I can't serve you a Guinness, or the bats will get you."

He spends every weekend travelling up and down the country, trying to find somewhere that will serve him his favourite drink. Everywhere he goes, the same: "I can't serve you a Guinness, or the bats will get you."

The man spends the last of his savings to fly to the other side of the world, a small island in the Pacific Ocean. He finally finds a place that serves Guinness. He orders a pint. To his amazement, the barman pours him a Guinness. As the silky black liquid hit his lips, the frustration, the travel and all the expense faded away in his mind, as he savoured the taste of his favourite beer. Then the bats got him.

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