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**bbjygm** · 02-20-2019, 07:39 PM

Hi, I'm Rich Boggindam, reporter for Whatever You Want, I Don't Care, Inc., where we take things very literally. I'm here in our downtown Los Angeles studio, prepared for an interview with a mildly exciting new SMJHL rookie, and recent draftee, Slap McShotty. Unfortunately, he seems to be running late so we've asked someone off the street to come in and answer a few of his questions while we wait. So, let's get started.

Mr. McShotty, how has your experience been with the SHL so far?

Um, I don't know what that is.

The SHL is a simulated hockey league run by a dedicated team of individuals. I'm sure you've had a small amount of experience with it seeing as you were just drafted into the SMJHL.

Look, dude. You just pulled me off the street and said you had some easy questions for me. I don't know what any of this is.

Okay, you're useless, get out of here, I think that was Slap that just entered the lobby. No, you will get no compensation. Just leave. Okay, yes, here he is. Mr. McShotty, please sit down right there. Now, to begin, how does it feel to be drafted 43rd, the lower middle-end of the pack?

I can't say I'm surprised. Seeing as I'm a rookie competing with some guys returning to the SMJHL from past seasons as a Junior player, I had quite the competition. I had participated in the prospect tournament and did okay. I just hoped that the scouts saw how I could contribute to the team rather than my pure scoring ability.

You were drafted to the Anaheim Outlaws. Did you have a preferred team to be drafted to?

No, I did not. I had no prior experience with these teams, so I was happy just to get selected. I did have interest from the Anchorage Armada and Halifax Raiders, but in the end the Outlaws scooped me up first.

May I ask how you got such a curious name?

Well, the McShotty's are an ancient and noble family that started 2 generations ago. My grandmother was always criticized for her ragged appearance and eventually she got so fed up with it she decided to wear her flaw out on her sleeve and took the namesake of shoddy. However, she wasn't the most literate and misspelled it shotty, and so the McShotty dynasty began. My grandmother never married and raised my dad as a single parent. He discovered his love for hockey too late in life to play competitively in the SHL, but he took advantage of the pun for "slap shot" that our last name allowed and named me Slap. Mom wasn't happy about that, but she was too drugged up after the birth to care when the paperwork was being figured out. So you could say I was destined to play hockey. Or you could say it was the only career path I could take where my name would be taken somewhat seriously. Either one works for me.

Very curious, Mr. Shotty. May I call you Slap?

By all means. My nicknames include The Slapster, Slapiddy Doo Dah, How Can He Slap, and It's a Slap!, but you can call me Slap.

Thank you. So you mentioned before that you contribute to the team in ways other than scoring. How so?

I'm kind of a big guy as you can see, 6' 4", 220 pounds. I've been practicing my ability to take the puck from the opposing team whenever I can and keeping the puck in my possession whenever I have it. I've also been practicing getting the puck to my teammates that are open. As the great Gretzky said, you can't out skate the puck. And lastly, I've been practicing my faceoffs. If our team gets possession more often, it allows for more opportunities to make big plays, and I intend to contribute to both setting them up and following through with those big plays.

It's good to know you already have a game plan for team contribution.

Yeah, but things could easily change depending on the needs of the team. We'll see how it plays out as the season progresses.

So, one last question: What will you do with the money from your new contract?

You know, I'm going to try and spend it as wisely as I can. Can you believe that sticks, gloves, skates, and shoulder pads all start for a minimum price of $500k each?! It's an expensive world we live in, and financial planning appears to be a decent part of it. To all those who read this interview, spend wisely!

Oh boy, that IS quite expensive. Well, thank you for coming in to this interview and sharing your experiences. Hope to see you produce on the ice!

Thanks, I hope so too!

And thus concludes the interview with Slap McShotty. He was drafted 43rd, but he and many others have yet to prove themselves and they may very well surprise everyone. This is Rich Boggindam, reporter for Whatever You Want, I Don't Care, Inc., signing out.

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