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visceralpotamus · 04-04-2025, 08:08 PM

Can you smell that? It's draft season! I am beyond excited for my second SHL draft, and while I was hoping to have a midseason edition of my SHL draft rankings, everyone will need to settle for my last minute submission. This is a follow up to my previous ranking (Can be found here: https://simulationhockey.com/showthread.php?tid=141622). Just as a review, this ranking is based off of 2 factors: TPE earned, as well as the size of the bank account. Of course there are many other factors that go into a teams draft decision, but my analytical mind links hard numbers, and until we can find a way to quantify personality and discord contributions, this will have to do. I would argue they are reasonably predictive of future SHL success, as the TPE earning trajectory might predict how diligent a player will be in terms of keeping up with activity checks, completing weekly tasks, and generally being present on the forums. A healthy bank account will be predictive of the players ability to continue to afford training and coaching.

In terms of nitty gritty, what I did was ranked players by their TPE earned to this point, as well as the size of their bank account. I then averaged these two ranks to create an overall prospect rank. I will then divide these players into tiers based on these data, as well as other variables which I think are important to consider (eg new creates might be punished for a smaller bank account, so I may boost them if their bank has grown substantially. I will be comparing my data set pulled from Feb 25, 2025, to data I pulled on March 30th. I wanted to have data that was representative of the SHL prospects at the END OF THE SMJHL season. This was the best way I could be sure that TPE and bank ranks wouldn't be influenced by people who have bought season training for this upcoming season. I am also going to be including SHL GM's in the ranks because I think its interesting. I will mark an asterisk that they will probably not be selected until later.

Tier 1

1) *toronto gm* Bartholomew Aittokallio Lorequavius @jaypc8237 (last rank #1)

BAL stood firm at 2nd in the class , and remains the player with the 6th largest bank account. Not much to say here, a super steady rookie season, and if they were not a gm, Bartholemew would certainly be in contention for the top draft position. Not much else to say here, especially given that this player isnt in real contention in the draft. Just wanted to give them their flowers!

2) Pasta the Turtle II (Last rank #2)

Did I spend a whole bunch of time developing a metric that would make me look an overwhelmingly great prospect? And then include a gm player above me in some disingenuous attempt at performative humility? I'll never tell! Pasta ended up 2nd in TPE, Dropping a spot from the 25th. I have also stood firm with the 8th largest bank account, so I decided it was time to create some media see if I can bump that up. But whatever I imagine most people who are reading are just skimming this to get down to their player and see what kind of nasty things I've written about them. For anyone who is actually still reading this paragraph I will give you a rep point if you get in the comments and either tag juke and ask him for a picture of his toe, tag hffo and ask him to stop bullying rookies, tag jamesT to wish him a happy birthday. Thank you all for your efforts.

3) *Texas GM* Thurston Bull @CapnCooper (last rank 5)

Another GM with an impressive player. Bull finished 11th in TPE (up from 19th), but is bolstered by his HUUUUGE...bank.This wont translate into any kind of high draft capital as they are a gm, but a very exciting prospect nonetheless! On to the next!

4) Gappy Hilmore @dude_man (last rank 6)

The TPE king of the class! Gappy is a definite contender to go 1st overall, and is starting to run away with the TPE lead in this class. His 1st ranked TPE performance is paired with a very solid top 20 bank account. This is down a bit from February when he was 16th. It is still a very healthy balance, so not any kind of cause for alarm. My journalistic integrity requires me to take out the magnifying glass to look for faults in the marble statues of greatness which are the rookies of S82.

5) Kelly McMahon @MN_Moosey (last rank 6)

Another riser in this class is Kelly McMahon, who finished 5th in TPE, and with the 18th largest bank account. Compared to the start of the season it is a substantial jump in TPE standings, up from 10th earlier in the season. This came along with a slight drop to the bank account. Overall a very steady performance for the SMJHL rookie, and plus they have a top 10 site username.

6) Toivu Jokinen @Toaster (last rank 9)

This is one of the first big risers in my arbitrarily defined standings. Toaster jumped up to 10th in TPE from 19th! Even more impressive is the fact that they moved up 15 spots for the 13th largest bank! This is another very serious contender for the 1st overall pick, super active user who is prolific on discord and on the forums. Will be exciting to see who snags them in the upcoming draft.

7) Patrick Rail @Prayl07 (last rank 3rd)

Patrick PLUMMETS down the rankings to 7th from 3rd last go around. Of course this is a joke, I could easily see P-Rail going 1OA, he just dipped a bit in the tpe standings (my guess he did his deep dives before anyone, and people caught up?). He continues to fly up the bank rankings, with the 11th biggest account (up from 16). It is truly prolific the amount of content coming out of this user, and he stands up for the whales who cant stand up for themselves (because they have no legs).

8) Wilhem Seider @LordBirdman (last rank 4th)

veteran birdperson user sits at 14th in TPE (down a few spots) but was able to elevate his bank account from 8th to 7th. I think that was my only negative comment last go around about the bank account stagnating a bit, so obviously he took it to heart. A very safe pick to go early in the draft with tons of upside.

9) Thomas Passarelli @Tmoney6996 (last rank 13th)

Thomas pass(arelli)ed four players to land at 9th, and into the top tier. he maintained his top 10 standing in TPE (finished at 9th, down a spot), but exploded in the bank account, 19th overall up from 26th. Some family member must have pass(arralli)ed away and left him a large inheritance. However he came across his fortunes, a team would be a fool to pass(arrelli) on this outstanding prospect! (I apologize for nothing)

10) Ken Boekbinder @DELIRIVM (last rank 8)

Another veteran of the SHL, a team would have to be..... delirivs not to take Ken early (I'm in the dad discord, I'm allowed to make these jokes). 5th in TPE (up a spot), the only red flag here is the bank account going from 18th to 25th. I think this is more a reflection of some of these young bloods pumping out media to pass him, rather than some fear of inactivity. A veteran player like delirivm will do what he needs to make sure his player proves to be the 1st round calibre pick he is assured to end up as.

Tier 2

11 (tie) Johan Lodewyk @anywheresoundsnice (previous rank 43rd!)

Anywhere sounds nice? as long as its the first round! This user rocketed up my rankings, going to 2nd in TPE standings from 6th, but more impressively 30th largest bank from the 82nd! I didnt even have this player on previious list, and now he's the leader of the tier 2 bracket of prospects. I would be shocked to find any gm passing on this fast riser in the first round.

11 (tie) Bingankus Glunksplosion @goldenglutes (previous rank 10th)

STill one of the coolest names in the class,Bigankus glunksploded up to 23rd in TPE from 49th! They have a very comfortable bank account, 5th largest in the class (which also glunksploded up from 11th). I feel like this is one of the highest upside picks in the draft - could definitely see them going much earlier than this. Who wouldn't want to see a player glunksplode all over the opposition goalie?

13 (tie) Benevolent Kaiju @Vulfzilla (previous rank 13th)

Kaiju finished the season 8th in TPE, which is a huge growth from their earlier 23rd place standing. Their bank account is the 26th largest, which has largely been static this season. Consistent is a good thing, especially when projecting for a long SHL career, and Kaiju seems to offer stability in spades.

13 (tie) Harland Sanders @ColonelSaunders (previous rank 29th)

Another player that went from undiscussed in my previous article, to first round hopeful! A finger licking good season saw the sandman wake up and jump from 35th in TPE to 19th, and 32nd in bank to 15th! Amazing explosion in growth here, would love to know their secret (blend of herbs and spices).

13 (tie) *gm for hamilton* Evil Jordan Humphrey @Gwdjohnson (previous rank 18th)

Not eligible for the draft, but on merit of his 4th largest bank, he would certainly be considered as an early draft pick. I dont know gwd personally but lots of people seem to make fun of them on the site. I cant say I've had many interactions with them, so I won't weigh in, unless Hamilton passes on me, in which case he sucks and I should probably make a tier 99999, so I can omit him from that too.

16) Greg Evil @theevilisback (previous rank 23rd)

ANother player who has shown lots of growth, going from 23rd to 14 in TPE, and 31 to 23 in bank. That was enough to bump them up a tier, and into 1st round consideration.

17) *gm for Toronto* Aartholomew Bittokallio Lorequavius @TheSparkyDee (previous rank 17th)

Super steady season, 2nd largest bank in the class. Not a factor for the draft as they are a gm, but certainly an exciting prospect.

18) Kristaps Skalbergs @Ashes (previous rank 18)

Ooh this one feels wrong. Ashes should be way higher. I think shey must have a bunch of ungraded media which is holding them back a bit, but truly an exceptional person, and had a godly season as a rookie in the J (rookie of the year anyone?). 14th in TPE, 28th in bank, I think it would be an absolute steal if he was sitting at the end of the 1st round. I could definitely see him go top 10. He also has immaculate takes on montreal branding and on the ethics of cannibalism.

19) Ryan Dino-Nugget Hopkins @RLG91 (previous 14th)

This one may be a bit of polarizing option. He ended the season 7th in total TPE, but dropped from the 28th largest bank to the 38th. With $15,175,000 in the coffers, I imagine gms scouting him will be very impressed with his elite TPE accumulation, but will be curious about how he plans to continue earning enough to accelerate his development. Medium risk but very high reward draft pick here.

Tier 3

20 (tie) Sethastierikko Goslavechnaaliemiooketkov @pboomg (previous 46th)

Massive growth in the bank account, going from 85th in the class waaaay up to 24th. Could be a drak horse pick

20 (tie) Travis Coates @RainDelay (previous 29th)

Our first Goalie! 30th in TPE (up from 53rd!) and 16th in bank makes Travis a favourite to be the first goalie of the board. I also believe he was undrafted in the J, so what a story this could be.

22 (tie) *Tampa Bay gm* Benoît Jean-Luc Boucher @EmoLeBron (previous 11th)

SMJHL top rookie point getter Benoit is destined to be an elite player in the league, but will be a late draft pick as he is a gm.

22 (tie) Boone Breakaway @ctots (previous 29th)

The 10th largest bank in the class makes Boone a possible breakaway player in this draft (im getting tired)

24) Timothy Welch @steviey (previous 29th)

Timmy drank his juice and got stuff done. 11th in TPE, and from the 91st biggest bank to the 39th, he got that paper.

25)Jony Hockey @pboomg (previous 51st)

Another goalie! I had to make a seperate tier for them last time, and now we have a couple in serous contention for first round consideration if any teams needs a goalie. 14th in TPE and 36th in bank.

26) Beau Boudreux (previous 34)

Undrafted player to early round possibility. 49th in TPE but a very healthy 9th in bank.

Tier random dark horses

30) Victor Bjork-Pejlikka @BXM (previous 62)

up to 22nd in tpe from 40th, up to 43rd in bank from 91st.

31) Silver Tarandus @SilverBlitzenAG (previous 67)

A real sleeper here. Has been super consistent, and couple prove to be a steal. undrafted in the J, but a huge contributer to his team, 24th in tpe from 62, 42nd in bank from 76

34) Swiffer Sweeper @mattebleu (previous 72)

14th in TPE from 52, 57th in bank from 90th

36) Oscar Svenguard @Bluedog25123 (previous 82)

39th in TPE from58, 35th in bank from 105th!

42) Krish Gainz @LilGainz901 (previous 101)

This undrafted gem produces some great content. 41st in TPE and 40th in bank

If I have time, I'll come back and add some more names. super interesting to see the risers and fallers in the draft class based on the random days i decided to pull data, and the random metric by which I am measuring them. Best of luck class of s82!

(2368 words)

Prayl07 · 04-04-2025, 08:13 PM

@HabsFanFromOntario please stop bullying rookies!

***CapnCooper*** · 04-04-2025, 08:15 PM

@JamesT
Happy Birthday!

Prayl07 · 04-04-2025, 08:21 PM

Just finished it! Great write up and great research!

***HabsFanFromOntario*** · 04-04-2025, 08:29 PM

04-04-2025, 08:13 PMPrayl07 Wrote: @HabsFanFromOntario please stop bullying rookies!

No... No I don't think I will.gif

TipToasty · 04-04-2025, 11:06 PM

Dang! Good write up. Pasta for 1OA!

TheWoZy · 04-04-2025, 11:08 PM

nah pasta #1

ColonelSaunders · 04-05-2025, 12:13 AM

I will go by "Sandman" from here on out. Incredible stuff

***Citizen of Adraa*** · 04-05-2025, 12:39 PM

@HabsFanFromOntario stop bullying rookies wtf

***HabsFanFromOntario*** · 04-05-2025, 01:17 PM

04-05-2025, 12:39 PMCitizen of Adraa Wrote: @HabsFanFromOntario stop bullying rookies wtf

I considered it but honestly I doubt it.

anywheresoundsnice · 04-05-2025, 03:20 PM

Awesome write-up!! And glad I made it onto your list hehe

Ashes · 04-05-2025, 03:38 PM

Quote: I think shey must have a bunch of ungraded media which is holding them back a bit

two ungraded articles which should be like 11 mil after grading? (plus any money i make from the J+H media contest) and then two more articles are on the way, one after the WJC and draft, one after all 4 expansion teams are revealed, i think both of those should also be eligible for a 2x bonus so should be another... maybe 5 mil for those?

LordBirdman · 04-05-2025, 06:46 PM

Very controversial and very bold to rank Wilhelm that well

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