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S76 PT #2: Oohh, yo momma fight! Due: Sunday, April 21st @ 11:59 PM PST

Option 2: I say this as someone that is not familiar with hockey rules at all, except for the very basic rules, I don't understand the icing rule and I don't get why it is necessary. Again, as a complete newbie to the sport, it just seems to me as if that rule slows down the game and allows a team to just chuck it down the ice and get a breather. I do have to continue to stress that I am not at all familiar with the hockey rules, and there is probably a legitimate reason for it to exist that makes sense, and I'm sure all the fans of the sport in the forum are probably screaming at me right now and trying to tell me what that reason is, but I don't know, every time I tune in to a hockey match and see an icing call, it just feels like it's slowing the game down. If I was in charge, I definitely would just get rid of it and let the teams go crazy.


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Written Option 1: Your offseason xitter activities have earned you some enemies. One specific player from a rival team is instigating a social media beef with you over a questionable call that went your way last season. (Or maybe you’re the one doing the instigating...) Who are you beefing with and how does it go down?

Last season, Jølngüštrâädüvich DuBølk and Buffalo Stampede forward Tiberius Kane got into a scrum over a puck on the boards. Being the genius he is, DuBølk decided to perform his greatest trick: make the referees think that Kane had instigated a fight by grabbing his arm and trying to make a punching action. The aftermath was perfect, since he got the penalty, kicking and screaming all the way to the press box. Recently, Kane decided to actually start a (verbal) fight by tweeting:

"hey u wanna make me actually punch u"

DuBølk responds gracefully:

"im not makin u punching me, meet me at waffle house and lets get some waffles"

"yeah ill give u some waffles"

"no ill give u some waffles"

"no me"

"no me"

"ok see u there"

"k but which one"

So they both agree to waffles, and they get waffles. At the next game, they put up a fight (kind of) and both decided it was stupid so they stop.

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Written Option 2: If you could change one rule in hockey, of any league, which rule would you change, how would you change it, and why that particular rule?

It always amuses me how quickly I hit the word count in the mPT, but how slow I hit it in the normal PT. Maybe I'd find some totally not serious rule change for the SHL about word counts rather than an NHL rule, but I suppose I should answer the question as it was intended. I'd probably start by not a rule change, but a rink change. Make the damn glass taller so it's harder to get delay of game penalties. That's one of the stupidest penalties I see happen by accident, even though I understand the point of the penalty. I'd probably change it to be taller glass and remove the penalty itself and treat it more like icing. Because either way, the result of the play would be the same - the game gets delayed for one reason or another. No change for the team that flipped the puck over the glass, and you start at your own end of the ice. I just see way too many damn delay of game penalties and the time wasted on making it a penalty is just lame.

Option 2:

If were to change a rule in hockey, I would personally look to change how the scoring system works for standings. While I don't particularly care for if the shootout should be abolished or not, I am personally of the opinion that all games should be worth 3 points. Wins in regulation should be worth 3 points, wins in overtime should be worth 2, losses in overtime should be 1 and regulation losses should be still worth 0. While it may not change too much when it comes to overall standing placements, I think it makes a more clear definition of which teams are the more dominant. A team that wins often in regulation is more dominant in my opinion than a team that wins constantly in overtime. I do also think it seems a little odd that teams that go into overtime should be rewarded compared to a team that wins in regulation. If all matches are worth 3 points in total, teams that make it to overtime get the point they deserve for matching up well against their opponent while not punishing good teams who win in regulation because they don't get anything for total domination.

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This is a change that I believe would be a benefit to everyone at all levels, but especially at the NHL level. Everyone loves the EBUG right? Now imagine the EBUP. Emergency backup PLAYER! Unlike todays rules where if someone gets hurt and cannot return to the game, you just play down a man, now they will do a draw of all seats in the arena, and whoever is sitting in that seat gets to suit up and play for that team for the rest of the game. It will be hilarious watching beer league bums or old grandpas or an excited little girl suiting up and forcing them into someone so far above their skill level. There would have to be part that they must be on the ice for at least 1 faceoff each period, to make sure the coach couldn't just bench them. It would be horrible for the visiting team, as the EBUP would probably sabotage them and it would be like 6v4 while they tried to force them off the ice. Plus as a fan you get to watch and hope that one really drunk guy who thinks he's all that just get obliterated by an open ice hit.

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I am beefing with a former player on Twitter for the last couple of years name @Good_Ole_Kimmy we keep saying we fuck each other moms, and really the only truth is I fuck his mother and he has never seen my mother before and he is always lying and he just does be capping. I think this rivalry is friendly but we definitely beefing and keeping on each toes to make sure we are and honestly, if we played against each other we would be beefing on the ice and definitely would be getting into some stinky gloves and stink and telling each other that we fuck each others moms for fun. Its definitely a big yo momma fight and we definitely do some fat jokes in there's for sure and say we fuck your mom in a different universe and its fun to see what we come up with on a daily basis.

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Prompt 2:

Rules are needed to have a game, otherwise it'd just be chaos with people doing whatever they wanted to win but some rules could be bent or dare I say it, removed all together. The extra five minutes that you get is a good example of a rule that really isn't necessary. Firstly, you're already gonna get a penalty, at least two minutes and even more if the ref feels you took liberties to get the fight so why tack on the extra five to it. Second, and in my opinion more important reason to do away with the extra five for fighting, is that most hockey fans love to watch two players fight! Who doesn't love a heated, chippy game capped off with two tough guys throwing hands in the middle of he ice. Don't get me started on line brawls because really, who doesn't love a good line brawl. Of course, I might be a tad biased but I really think we could do away with that pesky extra five for fighting.

174 words.

Andren Akerson (Present)
Adrik Baranov (S55 to S70)
Rurik Razin (S32 to S44)
Roy Razin (S17 to S32) (HOF/Rage HOF)
Audun Wissink (S5 to S15)

Prompt 1

Patya not believing this. Why am someone from league want for beef on social media with Patya? Patya not knowing what this was, so ask teammates for find out. They am tell me is not good and is mean someone is having problem with me. Patya not like this because Patya always try for be friendly to everyone because Patya am just here for play the hockeys. Patya going to be completely honest in this scenario and am telling you he not have specific player for beef, because this just not how Patya operate. However, Patya do know beef probably come from someone on Chicago Hitmens. Patya think these because New Orleans am play them so many times in first round of playoffs over the years since Patya been in the purple. He saying Patya get benefit of doubt on call last season and we am win game because of it. Patya know this sometime happen, so Patya probably agree. Patya not really good at this beefing thing. Patya not say to him to know his role and shut his mouth, or any of this other nonsense. Patya apologize for be so bad at this activity.

Lore: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5
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Graj is in a xitter beef now thanks to his increased xitter presence, and its with his own team! It's thankfully not actually a beef, as Graj doesn't like to purposely try to rile people up or make them upset, but it certainly is fun to watch people's reactions to this beef. Graj and his teammates Evil All-Bran and Kale Salad, with the occasional chirp from manager Ascolap, has put the Philadelphia Forge online scene on notice, and even the team account has started to get involved. They aren't fighting over anything necessarily, but with the three players on pace to be some of the best in Forge and SHL history, there's a lot of stat comparisons going on, and it's amusing to watch the three players "accidentally" artificially inflate their stats and then blame it on poor memory when Ascolap chimes in with a "ho buddy, check your brains on that one" or some such callout. It's been fun for all the players.

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Thanks to EAB and sulovien for the sigs!

Red Kirkbys xitter activity managed to draw the ire of one of the players on the Philadelphia Forges divisional rivals the Atlanta Inferno. That player is Philleppe Eko Eel. Eel and Kirkby have long been rivals even though their respective fathers Rex Kirkby and Eko Van Otter played together and red and Philleppe played together at peewee and junior level. Sometimes when two good players play together a friendly or even sometimes unfriendly rivalry starts to develop. Part of the rivalry comes down to the changing fortunes of their two respective teams. Atlanta a previous expansion team peaked and is now on the down swing although it will probably trend upwards before too long. Philadelphia is one of the most recent expansion teams and has been trending strongly upwards for some time making the last 7 conference finals, almost all at the expense of the Atlanta Inferno. When all is said and done though they remain good friends.

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Credit to Ml002, King, Wasty, Carpy, Bruins10, Rum_Ham, Turd Ferguson, Ragnar and Enigmatic for the sigs.
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If I could change one rule in hockey i’d change the fact that the goalies can’t cross center ice. There is zero reason for our goalies to not be allowed to streak down ice on a break away and sneak some backhand cheese past the tendy they’ve been staring at from across the ice for the entire game. I am completely confident and have the upmost certainty in the fact that Song Ju-Gong could 100% Datsyuk flip or at least pull off a Michigan. I think it’s long been time to stand up for our padded padres and allow them to start scoring goals in both the SMJHL and the SHL levels. The rule is outdated and stupid and removing it would completely fix hockey in every sense of the word. I think 0 people will disagree with me on this so It’s a pretty safe option

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Option 2
If I could get rid of one rule it would have to be offsides. Quite honestly this rule is pointless and makes the game unwatchable most nights. How many times do we have to delay a game for 10 minutes to dispute a goal when a player entered the zone 1/4 inch before the puck. It has no impact on the play whatsoever. It's also bad for offense, if there is a bad bounce and the puck comes out of the zone by an inch now everyone has to stop what they are doing and leave just to skate back across the line. It it so dumb. Look at how much better the game has gotten just by eliminating the 2 line pass rule. The game sped up, there are more breakaways, and scoring has improved. Think of how much better it would be with no offsides any more. The game of hockey should be all about speed.

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Written Option 2:

I would adopt the new suite of penalty rules from the IIHF wherever possible. I primarily are about the Power Kill portion of the rule where scoring a short handed goal ends the power play. I would like to see how this influences the makeup of penalty kill units. Instead of loading up on pure defense players, I expect more emphasis on the skilled players who are also defensively responsible.

The other big aspect of this rule is treating every minor penalty like a major, but I'm on the fence there. That would ramp up the importance of an aggressive power kill because it's not just stopping one power play goal, but possibly several. However, that starts to invalidate some previous scoring records and changes power play percentages going forward.

How can you compare 3 goals scored on 4 power plays when all 3 came during the same power play? What about 4 goals scored on 3 power plays? Same goes with penalty kill percentages with the inverse math.

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credit to Flappy, ToeDragon, and Carpy

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