S61 PT#2: Based and Brownpilled

mastersheep
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#197

09-04-2021, 02:04 PM

PBE Affiliate

Graydonsanatomy
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#198

09-04-2021, 03:19 PM

Ha! Red pill, easy. Now if this were a sim league on a sport like golf or soccer this might be quite a shitty ordeal to deal with, pun 100% intended. It’d be almost impossible to play soccer or golf having to drop a deuce every 15 minutes. But alas, this is a hockey sim league, so as long as the coaches and management know forthright about these very unfortunate digestive problems, we could make it work. Periods are 20 minutes long but managing the ice time correctly and timing out when those poops are gonna be dropping is a key to success. Even though im writing about this just now, Eric Tokke taking said pill is the only explanation for the profound success so far this season. Leading the entire SMJHL in Game Rating & tied for second in points and assists. All while playing just over 16 minutes of ATOI, & playing 3rd line center when naturally he is a winger. Between the ridiculous success on the ice managed between the 3rd line minutes being played, a mysterious stranger with a red pill has changed Tokke’s fortunes for the better.

Toivo
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S33 Challenge Cup Champion

#199

09-04-2021, 03:31 PM

ISFL PT

DELIRIVM
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#200

09-04-2021, 04:09 PM

As someone who deals with incredible allergies, the simple choice for me is the Orange Pill. Stuffed up nose, dripping all over the ice, massive allergy headaches, and coughing. Yeah, let's take the orange pill so I can actually breath. The other pills come with huge downsides when compared to the orange pill. So why would I choose any of the others when this one has all positives and zero negatives for me. The only negative I could see with the Orange Pill could be drowsiness. But there was no reported drowsiness on the side effects of the Orange Pill. But taking the pill means that Daniil Nikiforov would finally be able to skate full speed and not have to worry about coughing up mucus or dealing with being stuffed up, His inner ear would be drier than the Sahara. Nothing would be able to distract him if he downed that beautiful orange allergy pill. But I would say that it's probably the best pill out of the lot. The rest are either bad or boring.

[176 Words]

Locagiess
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#201

09-04-2021, 05:14 PM

I'm going to assume that this is done with the beans being labeled out ahead of time. Despite the benefits of getting super strength, super speed, super intelligence, the downside to them all seems more of an inconvenience than anything (even if keeping a regular pooping schedule is healthy). If anything, just go for the standard purple pill and enjoy your 10-15 seconds of gooey, grape-y flavoring. No harm, no foul up front, and even if you took one of the other ones, you could still find something fun to do with it (except perhaps being blind), but I'm more than content having myself as I am right now, still working on my foundation and enjoying the process of bettering myself. Yeah, sure, you could take the speed pill and just schedule your playing time around the constant pooping, or the intelligence one and become the greatest coach on the face of the Earth (really not sure how to work around being super strong and blind though), but overall I think this is a great example of why you should NOT be cheating yourself into being better faster.

visceralpotamus
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Senior Member

#202

09-04-2021, 06:47 PM

Pasta would have an easy decision - take the purple pill (grape jelly bean). Unlike some of the slovenly and morally bankrupt humans in the league, Pasta is an ardent believer in the value of competitive integrity and the natural performance of all athletes. Anything that enters his body is natural and approved by all athletic committees. This is a strange PT question, and one that I hope the league will be using to out any and all athletes who have the ethical fluidity to have even considered a performance-enhancing substance, regardless of the side effects. Surely we as a sport are better than this. I eagerly await the suspensions and league expulsions that will be handed out by the head office for all the thought crimes committed in this task. I will do my part of course, reporting all of the cheaters in this thread to the appropriate authorities. You can thank me later.

spooked
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#203

09-04-2021, 06:49 PM

Arsene will pick all of the pills available from the mysterious salesman. Why take one when you can have them all. Each pill will do their job of course. The purple pill is just a sweet treat for before a game, the black pill which made me PT director is easily solved by resigning with immediate effect (I got all these other pills to deal with!) The brown pull… lots of breaks before and during the game… I wash my hand. Same for the red, obviously, but because I doubled up, I get to run to the room every 7-8 minutes instead ?. Blue pill ruins the whole plan, not being able to see as a hockey player is basically the end of it… CAN’T EVEN FIND THE BATHROOM and my stomach issues are making too much noise to hear properly even. What a nightmare. The pink pill has done it’s job and made me famous, but all the attention just makes it glaringly obvious how bad I am playing as well as how many times I have left the bench… embarrassing. The green pill is the surprisingly least impactful as since I cannot see, playing the body is mostly pointless anyways, and the shrinking of my stomach helps improve the speed of my trips to the room to relieve myself from the red and brown pill. The last pill, the orange pill, is entirely useless to me as I have no known allergies, so I was just greedy but at least I can save it for when someone nearby is in dire need! 264w

Rotti
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#204

09-04-2021, 07:00 PM (This post was last modified: 09-05-2021, 10:03 PM by Rotti.)

I will take the Green pill. This seems like it might be a tough break, but Dale Miller has played in the Simulation Hockey League so it is possible. I am already the greatest sports mind that has ever existed, so I will now transcend the ice and become a god. If you have ever seen that movie where Scarlett Joahnsson becomes a computer after she takes LSD it'll be like that. A legitimate giga brain genius on skates is what I'll be. I will be moving the puck like Wayne Gretzky if he was actually good at sports and not just hockey. Like Larry Bird if he didn't go and shovel his mom's drive way and ruin the greatest career in basketball history. The goat won't really go far enough to describe how good I'd be. Just absolutely disgusting on the sticks. I might be able to bring Hamilton a playoff appearance this season with how good I'd be. The Green pill it is for me, steve, go birds.

gaby
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#205

09-04-2021, 07:34 PM

Let's go with the black pill for this weekly point task. Not that I think Slash is doing a poor job, but since he became the PT director quite a few people are unhappy with his PT choices. I appreciate the creativity like most members behind those and of course there are going to be flops, but I feel like we need to bring back topics around the sim. I've been here a long time, I remember back then when Pris was in charge people were complaining PTs were boring and repetitive. By getting the job, I would bring 2 options to write 150 words about. One would be hockey related and the other one purely random. That way I feel like everyone would be happy. I would also allow everyone to write them in their primary language. It would make things easier for people like me whose English ain't the best. Anyway I highly doubt graders read it all and just check if the minimum words is respected.

CanadianDuck
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#206

09-04-2021, 07:42 PM

So many colorful choices with so many curious outcomes, but which do I choose? First thing I will do is eliminate the red and brown pills from the pool because I'd rather not have to go to the bathroom every 15 minutes. Orange is next to go since I don't have any allergies making the pill pointless to me. The blue pill could be useful if taken early on in your career, so you could master the other senses to compensate for the blindness and super strength. I would have to give up the black pill, just because I would hate to remove a person who turned swiss cheese into an art form in a previous life from his current role. This leaves me with the green, pink, and purple pill to choose from. I see positives for all three, but I have decided to take the purple pill. I really enjoy grape flavored candies most of the time anyway.

Scrufdaddy
Media Graders
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#207

09-04-2021, 07:56 PM

I'm going to go with the blue pill. That's already how I play the game so I might as well take it to the extreme. I've read a bunch of Batman comics, so I'm fairly sure I can handle the echolocation. Unfortunately, then I cannot read any more Batman comics, so my skills as a bat are going to stagnate. I've tried audiobooks, but I just fall asleep, especially the 5 minutes it takes to describe every page's art in great detail.

So anyway, I'm also going to stop showering, like a bat, so I can draw a reaction out of players on the ice. I can listen for their retching and just ram towards it. After a few games, my own team should become immune and the system will work a lot better. We'll also plant our smallest player behind the opposing goalie so they can yell and I'll know where to rip bombs. If possible, I will steal the brown pill and add my own guano to the mix. It's a humiliating and unhealthy strategy, but victory is not for the weak. It's for the unnaturally strong and stinky.

Nike
SHL GM
S22, S28, S40, S42 Challenge Cup Champion & Merica Lover

#208

09-04-2021, 09:14 PM

I'm taking the orange pill. Have you ever been to Chicago in the middle of the spring? Those pesky bees and flowers are over here pollenating in the suburbs making those of us with even the slightest inkling of seasonal issues suffer from crowded sinuses, strange headaches and overall general miserable feelings. All why? Because the human body, over actual hundreds of years, has not been able to adapt to get used to allergens in the air? If I have a spring time workout or stake to get prepared for the season, I'm normally completely useless as a result of not being able to breathe from seasonal allergies. Now, if only this orange pill could be a permanent solution to this allergy problem and then this pill dealer would really be on to something. However, for now I will be sufficiently pleased with even a single day's worth of relief from the horrific spring time pollen and enjoy breathing through my nose as I hit the weight room and get prepared for afternoon skate.

Arkz
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#209

09-04-2021, 09:50 PM

I think I have to go for the purple pill, right? Let's break this down. The idea of the Red Pill makes sense as it gives you tremendous speed. That's probably the most useful as a goalie, right? But if I have to take a dump every 15 minutes it will be pretty hard to be a goalie. Can't just go down the tunnel in between shifts or wear a diaper out there. Thing would be way too full even halfway through a period. The blue pill makes you blind, and while it would be really cool to be a blind goalie (and I do sometimes play like one) its probably a bit counter productive. The green pill is interesting, would probably allow you to predict the plays and where the puck is going, but there's an awful lot of net to try and cover when you're only three feet tall. So we're going to have to go with the purple pill, cause grape jelly beans are delicious. And I'd never pick the black pill because the current PT director is doing an amazing job.

Canadice
SHL GM
SHL GM

#210

09-05-2021, 01:38 AM

PT Pass

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